Negotiating Skills Will Get You Ahead

Negotiating skills can help you manage lots of different kinds of life situations, both at work and in your personal relationships. Here are a few examples of where these skills can help you build an even better life for yourself:

1. Many family situations require negotiating with others. Deciding which movie to see, planning how to spend money, choosing a vacation spot, and many other decisions work best when you have these skills.

2. Being a good negotiator enables you to get what you want more often without resorting to becoming aggressive or pushy. Negotiating with others is more effective than simply demanding what you want or just caving in.

3. You will be more successful in the workplace if you know how to negotiate. These skills enable you to stand up for yourself and get what you want more often without harming relationships with bosses and coworkers.

4. Negotiation skills increase your personal effectiveness in any group situation, such as volunteer groups, the PTO, and church or synagogue groups.

5. Knowing how to negotiate lessens the chances that others will take advantage of you.

6. Negotiating a fair solution makes you feel good about yourself and increases others’ respect for you.

What Successful Negotiators Do

What exactly is negotiation? It is a set of skills that anyone can learn. When researchers have observed the behavior of negotiators, they learned that the most successful negotiators do the following things:

1. They plan ahead. Successful negotiations are rarely spontaneous. Taking the time to analyze the situation and think through your strategy is perhaps the most important element of negotiating success. This is true whether you are negotiating an important contract for your employer or negotiating your vacation plans with your family. Example: Anthony wants to begin running again to get into better physical shape. He became a new father 18 months ago and has had no time to exercise. He anticipates that Belinda, his wife, will resist any discussion of his wanting to take time for himself, since the responsibilities of parenthood are so time-consuming. For a while, he avoids the subject, fearing that it will turn into an argument. Then he starts to feel angry and resentful. He decides to negotiate with Belinda and begins by making a list of his needs and wants, as well as her needs and wants.

2. They are willing to consider a wide range of outcomes and options rather than rigidly insisting on a specific result. Negotiators who are most successful are open-minded and avoid being locked in to one outcome. They are willing to consider many possibilities and combinations of options.

Example: Lisa is feeling very stressed by the long commute to her job. She was thinking of resigning until she decided to make a list of other options. She came up with several alternatives: working from home two days a week, working part-time rather than full-time, working flexible hours to avoid rush hour traffic, and working from home every fourth week.

3. They look for common ground rather than areas of conflict. Pointing out areas where you and the other person are already in agreement conveys an attitude of cooperation and lessens any feeling of opposition.

Example: Sandy wants her next car to be a Volvo because of their reputation for safety. George wants a sports car. She says, “Let’s talk about what we agree on. First, we both agree that the car has to have a strong safety record. Second, we want to buy a new car, not a used one like last time. And third, we’ve set our price range as $40,000 or less.”

4. They discuss the key issues in order of priority. Have a clear idea of what the two or three key issues are and which is the most important. Start with the most important issues and proceed to those that matter less. If you can reach agreement on the most important things, the lesser issues will most likely be easier to resolve. Example: Carol wants her next family vacation to be something really special—either a Caribbean cruise or a trip to San Francisco. She and her family have visited relatives or stayed at home for the past few years. She wants the family to have an experience they will always remember before Todd, their adolescent son, grow ups and moves away. She sees the key issues as follows: (1) There are only three years left before Todd leaves. He is not likely to join us for a vacation after he finishes school; (2) It is important to have an exceptional vacation at least once in your life; (3) If we plan ahead and save the money, we will be able to afford the cost of such a trip.

5. Skillful negotiators avoid behavior that the other person is likely to consider annoying. This includes any of the following kinds of behavior: having an aggressive or intimidating manner, using sarcasm, using negative body language, or talking loudly. Not only do skilled negotiators avoid such behavior, they work hard at conveying an attitude of cooperation, reasonableness, openness, and friendliness. Example: Jed is negotiating the details of his new job with his new employer in the Chicago area. When Jed moves from Memphis to Chicago to begin work, he wants Sarah, his new boss, to give him three paid days off to get settled in his new apartment. Sarah is resisting the idea. Jed says, “I thought you would be more understanding about what it takes to get settled. A reasonable person would see that this is a small request.” This sarcastic remark is likely to create some doubts in Sarah’s mind rather than convince her to give Jed what he wants.

6. Good negotiators avoid participating in a defend/attack spiral. You know what this sounds like:

A attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

A defends herself and attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

We’ve all experienced being caught in one of these spirals and know how nonproductive they are. Rather than perpetuating such a process, the successful negotiator puts a stop to it by choosing not to say anything that would be perceived as aggressive or defensive.

Example A

Jim: “I can’t believe you are being so rigid.”

Anne: “Rigid! You should talk! You are completely bull-headed.”

Jim: “Right! You should try listening to yourself. You are impossible.”

Example B

Jim: “I can’t believe you are being so rigid.” Anne: “You’re not happy with what I’ve asked for.” Jim: “You’re damn right! You have to consider what I want.” Anne: “Tell me more about it, then. I’ll be happy to listen.”

In example A, Jim and Anne dig themselves in deeper with each statement. In example B, Anne blocks the defend/attack spiral and makes it possible for communication to resume.

With practice, you can learn to use these simple skills to get more of what you want in life—without coming across like a bully. In fact, these skills help you reach agreements that are more likely to satisfy both parties while maintaining a positive relationship. Try them in your work life or at home—they work equally well in either setting.

About the author :

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

You Can Attain Business Success With Negotiating Skills

Negotiating is the art of bargaining and coming up with an agreement between two or more individuals, groups, or organizations. It's importance in various areas such as business and commerce can never be overly emphasized. Negotiating is an essential skill needed to get what you want while fostering good relationships with the other negotiating party.

Not everybody can negotiate properly. In fact, this is what probably separates successful businesspersons from the not-so successful ones. In today's competitive world of business, the success of an individual or a group will lie heavily on negotiating skills.

Characteristics of a good negotiator:

He is a good communicator. Negotiating involves the act of communicating your needs and wants. Aside from the need to have open communication between parties involved, a good negotiator must be able to maximize the time spent with the other business partners by being able to communicate his ideas well. Misunderstanding among businesspersons and/or business groups may sometimes arise because of the inability to converse properly.

He is a good listener. The act of communicating ideas in a negotiation does not end with having to inform. Remember that communication is a two-way process and the recipient of the information communicated must be able to understand and interpret the data properly. In order to do so, he must have good listening skills to get the job done.

He is competent and knowledgeable. He follows the simple rule of "You cannot give what you do not have." You cannot negotiate on something that you don't know about. As a businessperson, he must have intensive knowledge and experience about the company, products and services, and projects that are being negotiated with other businesses. Moreover, he must also have a good idea of what the other party wants from the transaction and be able to balance his needs with their needs.

He is able to analyze situations. The art of negotiating is all about analyzing the offers made in a given transaction. In fact, before making an offer, it is a given that he has processed the results that he wants to incur from the business deal. Furthermore, the acceptance or disregard of a counter offer from the opposite side will need analytic skills from his end.

He can make bright decisions quickly. Time is money, and money is what constitutes a business. Thus, arriving at business deals at the least possible time with calculated risks is a vital factor in negotiating in trade.

The steps in negotiating:

1. Planning - involves data gathering and research. This is where the negotiator's knowledge on the deal will stem from.

2. Initiation - is the process of beginning a business deal. This step is concerned with the act of starting the communication between the parties involved.

3. Bartering - the act of making offers and counter offers. This involves analyzing the conditions of the deal.

4. Finalization - the art of closing a deal. Since there are transactions that will have to be settled at the actual place where the negotiating process is taking place, this is where the negotiator's ability to make quick calculated decisions will be used.

If you want to become a good negotiator, it is important for you to realize the steps in negotiating to assess yourself on which aspect you may need to improve. Also, recognizing these phases in the art of negotiating will allow you to strengthen your negotiating skills by being able to direct the flow of the deal. You'll find yourself calling the shots and not being misguided in any transaction.

About the author :

Abbas Abedi--Attain immediate stress relief and permanent stress management skills.Download my FREE stress management system, consisting of a 77 page ebook and 7 mp3s.Visit:Stress Management http://instantstressmanagement.com/