About Self Help

The Key Techniques To Cure Your Stress Better

2007-04-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

Stress is not all bad. In fact, a certain amount of stress can make life interesting and engaging. We cannot escape every deadline or every commitment, so, rather than trying to eliminate stress entirely, we need to attempt to control stress as best we can. Interestingly enough, if we don't have enough stress, we may end up feeling tired and hopeless.

It would be wonderful if we could come up with a mathematical formula for stress-the amount of stress an individual could conceivably accept without going into overdrive. However, optimal stress levels vary from person to person and from situation to situation. In fact, a situation that might make your skin crawl might be invigorating for another person. Likewise, a person who thrives on constant change would be stressed out in a job that is mundane, while an individual that hates change would be stressed out in a position that is constantly in a state of flux.

Experts believe that many illnesses are directly tied to stress. If you find yourself becoming constantly ill, or you feel nervous much of the time, you need to develop strategies for coping. It should be noted, however, that stress management is a practiced art-you can't expect to master it in a single day. However, if you keep at it, chances are you will learn ways to deal effectively with stress.

One of the first things you should do is to learn what your primary stressors are. Is it cooking dinner? Preparing for a presentation? Driving to work? While you cannot necessarily eliminate these chores, you can make them more manageable. For instance, if cooking dinner stresses you out, consider ordering takeout once a week in order to take a break from your normal routine. If preparing presentations is a problem, learn to divide up the project so that you're only focusing on a section at a time. If your morning commute leaves you frazzled, try leaving for work fifteen minutes earlier. The idea here is to recognize your stressors and come up with ideas for limiting their impact.

You should then try if at all possible to lessen your emotional reactions to stressors. You may notice that stressors cause you to think negatively, focusing on the worst aspects of a situation. Instead, consider a stressor an opportunity for improving your life. Try to determine whether you are overreacting to certain situations. It is entirely possible that every stressor you encounter is not urgent-that you can take your time to assess the situation and therefore reduce your stress level. Also, think of yourself as being in control of your emotions. While you may not be able to do anything about a certain situation, you can control your reactions to it.

Pay close attention to your physical reactions to stress. For instance, adopt deep breathing techniques in order to decrease your heart rate. If your physical reactions to stress are severe, you should consult your doctor to see if you should be on medication. However, a simple reaction to stress is to simply take a break from the action. This way, you can get some valuable "alone time" to think through a situation and see if you can find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Another effective way to fight stress is to strengthen your body. You should engage in aerobic activity at least three times a week. You should also make sure you're eating nutritious food. Try to avoid stimulants such as sugar and caffeine, and make sure that you get enough sleep each night. These simple strategies can help you to cope when situations seem overwhelming.

You have to recognize that stress is an inevitable part of life. You cannot go through life coasting from one situation to the next and not expect to encounter some stress. However, with effective management techniques, you can turn stressful situations into opportunities for growth. The more strategies you invoke to deal with stressors, the happier and healthier you will be. But remember to start slowly and build up your emotional reserves. A gradual approach works best when it comes to stress management-otherwise, you could actually become stressed out by the pressure of it all.

About the author :

Stewart Levison is an Anti-Aging practitioner and expert who constantly provide valuable anti-Aging guidelines and resources. Learn how to make your life healthier, younger, and energetic. To receive your Free resources visit: http://www.Anti-AgingSecrets.com

Are you even SMART enough for Self Improvement?

2007-04-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

Depending on what your definition of "self improvement" is, you probably have some informed - or uninformed - ideas about what it is going to take for you to make positive changes in your life.

In fact, you may even have wondered to yourself if you truly have what it takes in order to attain your goals. After all, if it was easy, you would have already done it, right?

Picture the following scenarios, if you will:

1) You put your hand on a hot stove and get burned. It hurts bad, so you do it again.

2) You get into a car accident and receive fairly serious injuries because you didn't have your seatbelt on. The next time you get in your car, you DON'T put your seatbelt on.

3) You go out partying with your friends, drink too much tequila, end up getting in a fight, spending the night in jail, getting violently ill, and leaving the whole experience with several scars and a healthy court fee. The next night you go out again, and order...tequila.

4) You fall asleep in the sun and get a worse sunburn than you have ever had. You actually have blisters on some parts of your body. You go back to the beach the next day, and don't even wear any sunscreen.

Okay, by now there may be a certain term that is running around your head that would describe the actions of the person who would do any of the things that were just described. Something along the lines of... STUPID.

You might rephrase it to be something more politically correct like "misguided," or "confused," but regardless of which term you decide upon, the end result is the same:

Doing things that cause unpleasant circumstances to come into your life, and then repeating those things over and over again is simply not very intelligent.

If your neighbor's dog bit you the last time you went into your neighbor's yard, would you walk into your neighbor's yard again?

If a certain substance caused you to have a severe and almost deadly allergic reaction the last time you used it, would you use it again anyway?

Those are obviously extreme examples, but by now you should be starting to see the point.

As intelligent human beings, we have the ability to look back on the experiences that we have had in our lives, and to not repeat events that have brought us negativity.

Which brings us to the million-dollar question:

Why do we continually repeat the behavior that in the past has been shown time and time again to not get us what we want out of life?

You don't have to use the word stupid at this point if you don't want to, but you do have to admit that repeating ineffective behavior is not the most intelligent way to be effective.

Why do you keep doing it, then? If starting and then stopping your weight loss program has repeatedly not led to permanent weight loss, why do you keep starting and stopping it?

If working at the type of job that you are comfortable working at has not brought you the career and/or financial success that you want, why do you keep working at that type of job?

If dating the same type of people has continually resulted in failed relationships and broken hearts, why do you keep dating those types of people?

Do you see the pattern here? Can you clearly follow the logic that by doing the same things that you have always done, you will simply continue to get what you have always gotten?

Yet here you are. You are reading this article because you are interested in self improvement, yet you have most likely repeated behavior similar to the patterns described earlier.

Are you thinking that the "human condition" is going to change in some manner that will allow your previously ineffective methods to somehow magically now have different results?

Do you think that without changing your inner-thoughts about weight loss, financial success, or relationships, that you will be able to find success in those areas where you have previously been unable to?

No, is the obvious answer here, and unlike other self improvement articles, this piece is probably not leaving you feeling very uplifted or empowered.

That's okay! Were you looking for an article that was going to tell you what you wanted to hear, or an article that was actually going tell you the truth?

Well, here is the truth: If you want to make positive changes in your life where you have been unable to in the past, you are going to have to do things differently than you have done them in the past.

If you will allow a quote from the James Bond movie Casino Royale, chew on this:

"You have a choice. Just because you've done it before doesn't mean that you need to do it again."

You're smart. Does that quote make sense to you?

About the author :

Aaron Potts is the founder of the Today is that Day Success Community, and the author of Energy Harmonics, which teaches about self improvement, vibratory alignment, and the Law of Attraction. Visit his site at http://www.todayisthatday.com to get his free newsletter.

Self Confidence: Build Yours Today!

2007-04-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

Having a lack of self confidence of a low self esteem can affect nearly all areas of your life. If can affect you while out with friends, while giving a presentation and while meeting new people, to name but a few. Confidence issues can be brought about for many different reasons and over time they become so common place that we just expect them to happen.

If you are dealing with confidence issues at the moment you will understand just how it can affect your life and sometimes even stop you from doing things that you really want to. Some people allow it so affect them in getting a promotion or meeting new people do. I have met people that still haven't found a husband or wife in their 40's as they say that they are just too shy. I have put together a list of some of the tips that I give to my clients to help them regain their confidence.

1. Surround yourself with positivity... Positive, enthusiastic and passionate people are contagious. Surround yourself with them and allow their confidence to brush off on you. By being around positive people we will learn how they confidently deal with things in their life that would throw us off course.

2. Create a new image... This is a fantastic tip that will leave you feeling great. Go out and get a whole new image that oozes with confidence, new clothes, new hairstyle or better posture. When you have this new image you can act up to it with confidence and allow the new you to be born.

3. Watch what you say to yourself... We all talk to ourselves as we think about things. We say things like, 'Oh I can't afford that!' This type of inner talk can be quite negative as it closes our mind to finding a solution. Instead saying something like, 'How could I afford that', allows you to use your brain for thinking and ultimately finding a solution.

4. Make a change... Move career, house or make new friends. If you find that an element of your life is causing you lack if confidence - change it! Remember though that you set the limit on what is impossible, so open up your mind and consciously decide what you can and can't do rather that just relying on your emotions to make these decisions for you.

I hope that you put this small collection of tips to good use and get the confidence that you deserve and desire. I wish you the very best of luck and success.

About the author :

For help with confidence and self confidence, please visit Richard's website.
http://www.richardmackenzie.co.uk

Public Speaking Anxiety: Getting Success With Public Speaking

2007-04-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

With the pressures of climbing the corporate ladder and just keeping up with the Jones's, there are many things that are pushing us in life to succeed and achieve greater goals year on year. While really wanting to succeed and attain our goals we can stumble on some obstacles that may be barriers that keep up from making a success in life and reaching our goals. One example of this is a fear of public speaking; also known as public speaking anxiety. In a recent survey this phobia was put at number one as being the most severe fear that you could suffer from. Just to show you how bad it can be, the fear of death on the same survey came it at number seven!

As a 'recovered' sufferer of public speaking anxiety myself, I can empathize with people that are sufferers at the moment. The phobia itself is 'all in the mind' however it really does have a physical part to play too, allowing us to sweat, shake and get palpitations - sometimes even just thinking about it! I even remember reading a case history once of a young man in his twenties suffering a heart attack due to the stress and pressure that he was under with his public speaking anxiety. It really can cause a massive effect on the person that it is hounding.

Most sufferers will unfortunately just come to terms with it and allow it to limit them in future life choices such as getting a promotion at work or just giving an after dinner or best mans speech. If you do suffer from this condition you can think back now on just how many opportunities that you have missed out on due to this irrational fear. Some of you may have just tried facing it, only to make the phobia stronger after a failed attempt! Wherever you are at the moment - with the correct approach you can get the success that you both desire and deserve.

I help all of my clients that come to me for help with public speaking anxiety with hypnosis and self hypnosis. In fact in my clinic and with my downloads and my book I have helped thousands to overcome this fear with great success. Simply put - hypnosis reprograms the part of the brain that houses all of the behaviours and beliefs that make this phobia. This part of the brain is called the sub-conscious mind. Hypnosis works on every aspect of the phobia giving the client the results that they want and need.

About the author :

Get help with public speaking anxiety right now! Get more info on public speaking from Richard's site now. http://www.richardmackenzie.co.uk

Parenting - Secrets To Become A Successful Parent

2007-04-15T02:07:00.000-07:00

The way we deal with our child influences the life of the kids a lot. Children are very much influenced by their father and mother. Here are some of the tips that you can follow to become a successful parent.

The first thing is, your child needs your time. Do not become so busy with your daily life that your child starts feeling lonely. Give your child sometime of your daily life, talk to him or her and see how their life is influenced. If you do not give them time, they can start misbehaving.

One study says that most of the parents yell at their children. Later it becomes a habit and the kids start behaving like a ‘parent deaf’.

Always inspire your child to do something. You are the ideal for your child as a parent because it is you that teaches your children, most of the things in life. When you inspire him, and he completes the job, give her appropriate words to praise him. Even children have a very high self esteem sometime. Your words can make them feel so important and they can work very hard to remain like that.

Try to avoid interfering with your child. For example if your child misses his dinner, let him feel the natural consequences. Instead of interfering him, make him feel in such a way that he himself realizes the importance of missing dinner.

Never ever say or make your child realize that he is not good. Every child’s self esteem will be hurt a lot. Try to tell him that he has to change certain things in him to become good. Surely, he will try to do that.

When you become a friend of your child that guides him and gets respect too, the life becomes heaven and relation with your child is called successful in real sense.

About the author :

By Sebanti Ghosh http://www.newbiemommy.com/

Negotiating Skills Will Get You Ahead

2007-04-15T02:03:00.000-07:00

Negotiating skills can help you manage lots of different kinds of life situations, both at work and in your personal relationships. Here are a few examples of where these skills can help you build an even better life for yourself:

1. Many family situations require negotiating with others. Deciding which movie to see, planning how to spend money, choosing a vacation spot, and many other decisions work best when you have these skills.

2. Being a good negotiator enables you to get what you want more often without resorting to becoming aggressive or pushy. Negotiating with others is more effective than simply demanding what you want or just caving in.

3. You will be more successful in the workplace if you know how to negotiate. These skills enable you to stand up for yourself and get what you want more often without harming relationships with bosses and coworkers.

4. Negotiation skills increase your personal effectiveness in any group situation, such as volunteer groups, the PTO, and church or synagogue groups.

5. Knowing how to negotiate lessens the chances that others will take advantage of you.

6. Negotiating a fair solution makes you feel good about yourself and increases others’ respect for you.

What Successful Negotiators Do

What exactly is negotiation? It is a set of skills that anyone can learn. When researchers have observed the behavior of negotiators, they learned that the most successful negotiators do the following things:

1. They plan ahead. Successful negotiations are rarely spontaneous. Taking the time to analyze the situation and think through your strategy is perhaps the most important element of negotiating success. This is true whether you are negotiating an important contract for your employer or negotiating your vacation plans with your family. Example: Anthony wants to begin running again to get into better physical shape. He became a new father 18 months ago and has had no time to exercise. He anticipates that Belinda, his wife, will resist any discussion of his wanting to take time for himself, since the responsibilities of parenthood are so time-consuming. For a while, he avoids the subject, fearing that it will turn into an argument. Then he starts to feel angry and resentful. He decides to negotiate with Belinda and begins by making a list of his needs and wants, as well as her needs and wants.

2. They are willing to consider a wide range of outcomes and options rather than rigidly insisting on a specific result. Negotiators who are most successful are open-minded and avoid being locked in to one outcome. They are willing to consider many possibilities and combinations of options.

Example: Lisa is feeling very stressed by the long commute to her job. She was thinking of resigning until she decided to make a list of other options. She came up with several alternatives: working from home two days a week, working part-time rather than full-time, working flexible hours to avoid rush hour traffic, and working from home every fourth week.

3. They look for common ground rather than areas of conflict. Pointing out areas where you and the other person are already in agreement conveys an attitude of cooperation and lessens any feeling of opposition.

Example: Sandy wants her next car to be a Volvo because of their reputation for safety. George wants a sports car. She says, “Let’s talk about what we agree on. First, we both agree that the car has to have a strong safety record. Second, we want to buy a new car, not a used one like last time. And third, we’ve set our price range as $40,000 or less.”

4. They discuss the key issues in order of priority. Have a clear idea of what the two or three key issues are and which is the most important. Start with the most important issues and proceed to those that matter less. If you can reach agreement on the most important things, the lesser issues will most likely be easier to resolve. Example: Carol wants her next family vacation to be something really special—either a Caribbean cruise or a trip to San Francisco. She and her family have visited relatives or stayed at home for the past few years. She wants the family to have an experience they will always remember before Todd, their adolescent son, grow ups and moves away. She sees the key issues as follows: (1) There are only three years left before Todd leaves. He is not likely to join us for a vacation after he finishes school; (2) It is important to have an exceptional vacation at least once in your life; (3) If we plan ahead and save the money, we will be able to afford the cost of such a trip.

5. Skillful negotiators avoid behavior that the other person is likely to consider annoying. This includes any of the following kinds of behavior: having an aggressive or intimidating manner, using sarcasm, using negative body language, or talking loudly. Not only do skilled negotiators avoid such behavior, they work hard at conveying an attitude of cooperation, reasonableness, openness, and friendliness. Example: Jed is negotiating the details of his new job with his new employer in the Chicago area. When Jed moves from Memphis to Chicago to begin work, he wants Sarah, his new boss, to give him three paid days off to get settled in his new apartment. Sarah is resisting the idea. Jed says, “I thought you would be more understanding about what it takes to get settled. A reasonable person would see that this is a small request.” This sarcastic remark is likely to create some doubts in Sarah’s mind rather than convince her to give Jed what he wants.

6. Good negotiators avoid participating in a defend/attack spiral. You know what this sounds like:

A attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

A defends herself and attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

We’ve all experienced being caught in one of these spirals and know how nonproductive they are. Rather than perpetuating such a process, the successful negotiator puts a stop to it by choosing not to say anything that would be perceived as aggressive or defensive.

Example A

Jim: “I can’t believe you are being so rigid.”

Anne: “Rigid! You should talk! You are completely bull-headed.”

Jim: “Right! You should try listening to yourself. You are impossible.”

Example B

Jim: “I can’t believe you are being so rigid.” Anne: “You’re not happy with what I’ve asked for.” Jim: “You’re damn right! You have to consider what I want.” Anne: “Tell me more about it, then. I’ll be happy to listen.”

In example A, Jim and Anne dig themselves in deeper with each statement. In example B, Anne blocks the defend/attack spiral and makes it possible for communication to resume.

With practice, you can learn to use these simple skills to get more of what you want in life—without coming across like a bully. In fact, these skills help you reach agreements that are more likely to satisfy both parties while maintaining a positive relationship. Try them in your work life or at home—they work equally well in either setting.

About the author :

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

The True Cost Of A Lack of Motivation

2007-04-15T02:00:00.000-07:00

And what a lack of motivation means..

As you read this article you will start to understand why a lack of motivation is costing you even more than you realize.

As you read the story below notice how much you have in common with me...

Growing up I never really had much trouble getting things done. I was told what to do by my parents or by my teachers and I did what was expected of me because it was the easiest choice for me.

Getting punished never appealed to me very much.

Then as I got older and especially when I joined the workforce I could get away with doing less and with leaving things until the deadline approached.

In fact in one company where I worked it made no sense finishing work before the deadlines because management kept moving the goal posts.

And very often I worked with people who refused to stretch themselves. This culture of doing as little as you can and appearing to be productive slowly dragged me down.

Over the years as a result of experiences like these I developed bad habits.

One of those habits was a lack of motivation habit.

I can see now how a few bad choices in how I approached work affected all aspects of my life.

The same may be true for you...

What we did over the years was create bad habits that need to be given up and replaced with a new way of behaving.

Do you realize what these bad habits have cost you in your life?

1. You missed the sense of accomplishment and the satisfaction that comes with succeeding on a big scale.

2. You lost the respect of your peers and you are excluded from the winners circle.

3. You no longer feel in control of your destiny and in fact you are a victim of circumstance.

4. You earn far less than people of lesser intelligence and ability.

5. You worry about the future because you fear you may not be able to deal with things.

A lack of motivation is a bad habit you can and must change.

Now is the time to take charge of this situation. I can tell you from my own experience that nothing will change until you decide to change.

And nothing will improve until you improve it...

You owe it to yourself and to the people who care about you to seize the day and make your life something to be proud of.

The satisfaction that comes from living life on your own terms is a wonderful gift you deserve to enjoy. And you will only have this once you know how to motivate yourself to create the life you dream of.

My income jumped, my social life improved dramatically and new opportunities for having even more of what I wanted all came about for me. But only after I learned the secrets of self-motivation and how to kill a lack of motivation.

The world did not change. Other people did not change. I changed.

Only When YOU change will your world change for the better.

Before I go...

Think of those people who look down on your lack of progress and take you for granted. Think of that sense you have of not been in control.

All of these feelings of dissatisfaction are not going to disappear-- in fact they will dominate your life as the years pass you by.

These issues are not going to go away all by themselves.

I tried the wait and see approach - it does not work!

Thankfully there is a solution, a proven way of taking charge of your life and developing self-motivation.

*** Motivation is an essential life skill and you can discover how to be motivated and stay motivated. ***

Although some lucky people seem to be born highly motivated, if you are of at least average intelligence you can learn how to be motivated.

No matter how unmotivated you have been up to now.

The secret to being motivated is to discover the motivation blueprint that is right for you.

Imagine no longer having a lack of motivation!

About the author :

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report, the 5 Step Motivation Report. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.getmotivatedstaymotivated.com/special.htm

8 Tips To Keep Your Mental Health

2007-04-15T01:58:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately the effects of mental illness on health, social life and productivity in the United States and throughout the world has long been absolutely underestimated. Studies in many different countries all over the world have shown that mental illness is becoming one of the most often illnesses in our modern life.

The study of health psychology seeks to understand how our ability to cope with stress can help us to prevent illness and promote health. Some of these coping mechanisms are naturally inborn but may be taught to those who lack them. Motivation is one of the tools that researchers are trying to use as a combatant of negative stress reactions.

Motivation is something that we use every day. It's what enables us to survive - to get food because we're hungry, to go to work to pay the bills or to educate ourselves in order to pursue a higher goal in life.

Some therapists suggest that by using positive self-talk and trying to restructure the WAY we look at events can offset the physical and mental effects of dealing with negative or stressful events in life.

Interestingly, people who tend to focus on themselves as the controller of their fate - in fact 'self-motivated' - are more likely to feel a sense of control when stressors affect them. Instead of blaming something or someone else they have the motivation to deal with a problem and look for a reasonable solution. This positive behavior helps them to achieve goals and find personal contentment.

Therapists try to teach patients how to emulate this positive reaction to stress and use their motivation as a source of empowerment. Learning to manage stress and using motivation to set goals, work through a problem or fix it can in turn promote better mental and physical health.

Here are eight tips to assist in living a more stress free life.

1. Determine, no matter what, to create time for self. For some people, maybe it's a soothing bubble bath at the end of the day. For others, it could be a quick trip to the local gym. The activity really doesn't matter as long as they take some time for themselves.

2. Listen to calm, soothing music on the way to work, while at work, and while going to sleep. Music has a way of calming and soothing the mind body.

3. Practice deep abdominal breathing periodically throughout the day. Breath in deeply through the nose pulling the belly button toward the spine, hold for a few seconds, and then slowly release. People will be pleasantly surprised at how this simple technique can result in a more relaxed body and mind. This can be done in any environment.

4. Take time to exercise. Exercise helps to increase self-esteem, decrease depression, increase concentration and energy, and gives one a greater sense of control over stress. Hitting the local gym is not always necessary. Taking a 15-minute walk around the neighborhood, taking walks on lunch breaks, taking the steps instead of an elevator, and parking farther away when shopping are examples of how someone can squeeze in exercise during the day.

5. Eat Healthy. There are foods that promote calmness and foods that increase stress levels. People can ask themselves if they are eating too much sugar and caffeine, and if they are getting enough protein. They can also evaluate if they are eating plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and staying away from refined and processed foods. Healthy eating is very important for any human being. Taking a look at diets and making the necessary changes can result in increased optimal health.

6. Call a friend. For anybody, it is always important in life to have at least one relationship where they can just vent and know that a listening ear and unconditional acceptance will be given.

7. Practice Thinking Calmly. Everyone has a favorite place that is peaceful, soothing, and calm. When stress levels increase, people can take a mental break and visualize that special place. They can take note of the sights, sounds, and smells. It is important to continue to do this until relaxation is felt. People will notice that the stress they are experiencing will be less and more manageable.

8. Have a sense of humor. We all are familiar with the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine." This is so true. Be willing to laugh at personal mistakes. Watch a funny movie. Share a joke with a friend. In other words, lighten up. It will make such a difference.

About the author :

By Michael Hehn You can find some more interesting articles about mental health here:
http://www.mental-health.4-u-net.com/

Improving Memory As An Aid To Building Self Confidence

2007-04-15T01:57:00.001-07:00

Confidence is something that can have different meanings to different people, partly because, in many ways, confidence is something that is relative. Building self confidence is therefore about first identifying those areas of your life in which you would benefit from increased confidence, and then to make a relative improvement to that part of you.

Confidence also has other dimensions, in that:

1. One person may be confident about one one thing, but not at another.

2. One person may have a part of their life in which they are very confident, yet appear to lack self confidence in general.

3. What other people see can vary; one may have the impression you are confident, and another may not.

4. You may appear very confident in public, when in fact you are not.

Self confidence then is nothing straightforward. It can even be confusing. It stands to reason that to build self confidence is not always straighforward either. It may therefore be advisable to concentrate one aspect of the problem at a time.

I still have a vivid memory many years ago of being on a tough management course. We were given the task of playing the role of making a presentation to a high powered boss, to explain why certain action was needed to deal with a situation. The "situation" was given to each of us on the course, and it was quite a heavy document with lots of pages of information and background, about something totally new to us all. We were given an hour to read it all, comprehend it, and then be ready to make the presentation, on video, with the whole class, about 16 I think, then watching the video.

That particular day was in the middle of a London winter, and I had commuted a long distance, and several hours, as usual to get there. I had just had a long bout of flu and felt lousy, and I was going through some very serious personal problems. In short, I felt dire and miserable, and was faced with this torture before a group of other course members.

I dutifully read through, made a few notes, and when it was my turn went to make my presentation, with the whole thing being recorded for playback. Because of the way I felt, my confidence level seemed very low and I did not enjoy the presentation one little bit. We were allowed to take notes in with us, but in the heat of a skilled "grilling" any wavering looking at notes would not look good.

I got through the whole thing, then we all sat around nervously waiting to be torn to pieces when our video was shown. When my video came up, I just did not recognize the person in it as me. "He" was very confident throughout, responded well to all probing, and only once glanced down at the notes, unobtrusively. How I seemed on the video, and how I felt at the time, bore no relation to each other.

So what was it that had got me through the ordeal, appearing supremely confident, when I felt like death warmed up inside and living through a personal nightmare? I am sure it was one thing: memory. Because I had trained my memory a few years early, when I rather belatedly started a course for a professional qualification, it was geared up to work subconsciously. Although I felt awful on the surface, my inner self confidence in my memory was enough to carry me through.

Memory, therefore, can be a pillar in building self confidence. Having command of facts at the snap of your fingers is something that will breed confidence in yourself, and impress others, whether you mean to or not.

When I read my first manual on memory, I got to the end, closed the book, and thought: memory is just about self confidence. And, largely, it is, and they feed off each other very well. At least, that has been my own personal experience. I never set out to increase my own confidence level, it was just that improving my memory acted as a twin prop of the process to build self confidence.

There is, of course, much more to building self confidence, but memory can be a very important aid in many situations. You may find people start to respect you as a source of knowledge, and that alone could build your self confidence no end.

About the author :

This build self confidence article was written by Roy Thomsitt, owner and part author of the Routes To Self Improvement website. http://www.routes-to-self-improvement.com

Prescription For Lasting Love - 19 Steps to Finding Your Soulmate and Achieving Relationship Success

2007-04-15T01:52:00.000-07:00

Statistics show that marriages are ending at an alarming rate and that the length of the average marriage is now under seven years. Why are today’s marriages not working? Why are relationships so stressful, difficult and unsatisfying for so many people? I believe it’s due to bad match-ups. If you marry someone with whom you are not well suited, the road to happiness is a very hard one. So what can you do to turn this unhappiness around? The answer is to pay attention when choosing your life partner. Love and physical attraction are never enough. A strong relationship needs compatibility and commitment from both partners. Compatibly is more than just having the same interests, likes and dislikes; it’s wanting the same things out of life and having the same belief systems. Finding a partner whom you love and with whom you are compatible is the prescription for a healthy, lasting relationship.

It is your responsibility not only to yourself but to your future children to choose your life partner with care. Enduring difficult personal relationships can create much unhappiness and chaos and can be traumatic for everyone involved. The end of a marriage (or a long-term relationship) involves grief, and unfortunately children end up the big losers if the damage is passed along to them.

We want to share our lives with someone with whom we can connect on the deepest level and enjoy a true sense of partnership. We all deserve someone who will treasure, love, protect, admire, support and adore us.

The following 19 steps can help you find your soulmate and achieve relationship success:

1. Be good to yourself. By practicing self-love you become a magnet to your soulmate. If you don’t love yourself first, how is anyone else going to love you?

2. Confidence is beautiful. To be successful in finding true love, you need to be confident. You are more likely to attract the right love if you are fulfilled.

3. Find happiness in yourself. You can’t be completely happy in a relationship until you are happy with yourself and your life. Remember that your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Change starts from the inside out.

4. Nurture your spiritual side. You should be emotionally and spiritually prepared to bring in your soulmate.

5. Know yourself well. Before choosing a lifelong partner, know what your dreams are and what you need to be happy. You are responsible for creating the quality of your life.

6. Stay true to your values. Never compromise your values for anyone. By staying true to your values, you protect yourself from unnecessary pain.

7. Never select a mate out of need. Do not choose a mate out of loneliness, financial insecurity or fear of the future. When you are feeling negative about yourself or your life, you are very likely to make the wrong choice.

8. True love comes to those who wait. Keep in mind that destiny has its own timetable—you must be patient. Always keep your eyes on the prize. If you settle for second best, you will miss out on your perfect match. Be patient. Sometimes is seems that you’ll never find your soulmate. There may be lessons you need to learn before you are ready. The faster you do your inner work and become the person you want to attract, the faster you will connect with your beloved.

9. You deserve to be happy. So what if you are not perfect? No human being is. Always assume that you are worthwhile and accept yourself as you are.

10. Ignorance is not bliss. Get to know someone well before you jump into a relationship. The more information you have, the better you’ll be able to judge whether or not this person will make a good life partner.

11. In order to love well, we must be emotionally mature. Relationships are successful only when both partners are mature enough to see that a good relationship is built on mutual trust and attention to each other’s wants and needs.

12. Build relationship skills that make marriage work. Educate yourself. There are hundreds of great relationship books—pick one up.

13. Prepare yourself for a committed relationship. If you want to find someone special to love and to be loved back in return, you need to prepare for it.

14. To receive healthy love, you have to be healthy. Your relationship isn’t going to go smoothly if you’re not well and at peace with yourself. By being healthy in body, mind and spirit, you will attract a high-quality relationship.

15. Breaking up is hard to do. But if you are not happy, respected and fulfilled in your present relationship, it might be time to end it. Free each other so you can find more compatible mates. 16. Never ignore or justify the warning signs of possible problems. These warning signs are there for you to take notice.

17. Become the person you want to attract. Like attracts like. If you wish to attract a loving, respectful and considerate person, then you have to become a loving, respectful and considerate person.

18. Avoid having sex before commitment. The best way to test a relationship’s potential is to postpone having sex. It becomes harder to be objective about a relationship if you become sexually intimate too soon.

19. Don’t feel bad about not having met you soulmate yet. Get excited instead. You have something wonderful to look forward to.

Connecting with you soulmate is not as difficult as many of us believe. The only thing stopping you from being with your meant-to-be love is you. Make the necessary changes in your life and remember that awareness is the first step to change. Accept that where you are right now is the result of choices you have made in the past, and where you will be in the future depends on the choices you make now.

Your fate is in your hands. Only you can make the choices that support your happiness. Once you become aware of what you are doing and why, you can begin to change your behaviour.

Best wishes, Joanne B. Parrotta Author of: A Matter of Destiny Settling For Second Best is Never An Option!

About the author :

Motivational writer Joanne B. Parrotta is the author of “A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry Your Soulmate: A Beginner’s Spiritual Guide (BookSurge Publishing, an amazon.com company, 2006).” To learn more about this fascinating subject and to sign up for you’re three FREE instantly down loadable soulmate reports, visit her website at: http://www.amatterofdestiny.com

Life Coach - Helping people achieve their dreams

2007-04-15T01:50:00.000-07:00

Seldom does an opportunity come along where you can not only build a career for yourself but also make a huge difference in the lives of everyone you touch. There are not many professions where not only can you help yourself achieve your career and professional goals but you can help others reach where they want to be as well. Not many professions can give you the personal satisfaction that becoming a Life Coach does.

Now the first question that comes to mind is - What is a Life Coach?

To answer that question first you must realize that each person is different from the other. Everyone has their own set of goals and dreams to achieve. Not everyone is at the same place at the same time mentally or emotionally and not everyone wants to reach the same destination. Goals, dreams, and satisfaction come at different levels. Some have personal goals or problems; some have professional or business goals or barriers they need to cross. Few of us are already where we want to be and are now seeking a new goal or desire.

This is where a Life Coach comes in. A Life Coach analyses each client in terms of where they are right now and where they would ideally like to be and then helps them close that gap. A Life Coach will listen to their clients, share their thoughts, learn about their client's dreams, find out what is most important to them and then assist them in achieving more in their life. It could be that someone wants more out of their personal life whereas someone else wants more out of their business. A professional Life Coach will always work closely with their clients; ask the right questions and challenge the clients emotionally and mentally to find out new ways to give them the change that they desire.

Working closely with professional Life Coaches greatly benefits clients because they are able to achieve their desired goals faster and in a more efficient manner. They always have someone to give them objective and genuine feedback and offer solutions to their problems. It helps the clients to increase their level of confidence, have better relationships, achieve a greater respect for themselves and find a new love and passion for life. Above all it helps clients to be more focused in all aspects of their lives and business.

If you love interacting with people from all walks of life, if you enjoy listening to others and are fascinated by how people live their lives and go about achieving their goals, then life coaching may be the career option for you. Imagine doing something you love for a living. Imagine the satisfaction which you can derive from knowing that it was because of you that someone is on their way to achieving what they have always wanted. In fact it's because of you that they even realized what they actually wanted in life.

Can you think of any other profession which could give you this amazing realisation? If you can't think of any other profession that would give you this satisfaction and also help you achieve your career goals financially, then perhaps it's time for you to investigate how to become a Life Coach. Who knows, by trying to help others achieve their goals, you may discover and reach what you always wanted in life.

About the author :

Sharon Pearson is a professional, accredited life coach, executive coach and business coach. She is the founder and CEO of The Coaching Institute, Australia's leading accredited life coach training school, is a published author and an in-demand public speaker and trainer www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au

The ABC's Of A Great Life: "I" Is For Inspiration

2007-04-15T01:43:00.001-07:00

The difference between a good life and a truly great one can be summed up in one word - inspiration. The ability to create, sustain and enjoy the passion, the joy and the force that pulls us ahead of ourselves, that raises us up far beyond what we might otherwise accomplish, is the lifeblood of an enlightened and amazing life.

An important distinction to make is inspiration vs. motivation. Motivation pushes us forward, moving us to action on pain of punishment or by enticement of reward. Without the stick or the carrot, there is no motivation. Therefore, motivation is based on fear - fear of what lies behind, or fear of losing what lies ahead. Inspiration, on the other hand, comes from within and draws us forward under the steam of our own passions and our own love of the destination. We do not need the stick or the carrot when we are inspired to do a thing. Indeed, we may find that they are more of a distraction than a help, and so brush them out of our path as we move toward our goal, leaving them behind to gather dust.

A life that is visited by inspiration is a life forever changed. Just as we cannot look upon a great work of art or hear a profoundly beautiful piece of music without being forever altered in our view of the world, so too is our life irrevocably altered by the footprint of inspiration left in the fertile soil of our heart. Tended, nurtured and allowed to blossom in its own time, inspiration becomes the center point of the garden of our lives, filling them with the heady scent of the divine spark.

How are you inspired in your everyday life, or are you? Inspiration should not be constrained to "special occasions" of "sacred places." After all, God created the entire Universe from the Divine Inspiration, thereby making all places sacred and all times special. Bring inspiration into your life, and you can savor the bloom of a rich and meaningful life for the rest of your days.

About the author :

Soni Pitts is the Chief Visionary Butt-Kicker of SoniPitts.Com. She specializes in helping others reclaim "soul proprietorship" in their lives and to begin living the life their Creator always intended for them.

She is the author of the free e-book "50 Ways To Reach Your Goals" and over 100 self-help and inspirational articles, as well as other products and resources designed to facilitate this process of personal growth and spiritual development.

Goal Setting Success

2007-04-15T01:39:00.000-07:00

The importance of setting goals often only becomes clear when we realize we haven't achieved them. This is one of the reasons it is so important to write goals down in a notebook or journal, where you can track them over time. This is particularly true when it comes to reaching our career goals, where goal setting success is crucial if we are to enjoy a happy and fulfilled life.

If you set clearly defined short term and long term goals you will be able to measure your progress and eventually achieve personal satisfaction in all areas of your life. As you move towards your goals, your self-confidence will also improve as you see the progress you are making – progress which would be hard to measure if you have not formulated your goals properly and written them down. You will also find that with progress you become more aware of your capabilities, skills and talents, which in turn will also boost your self-esteem.

Learning how to set goals is not something which happens naturally, as we are encouraged to do what other people think we should do and give up our dreams as early as possible, since they are often considered impractical, if not impossible, by parents and teachers.

To start your goal setting, you should spend some time really thinking about what you want in life, not just in your career. It’s important to make sure that your goals will create a balanced lifestyle and not just career success, which, if not accompanied by friendship, family and fun, can be very hollow and lonely.

Start off with your long term goals and work backwards, considering job goals, financial goals, relationship goals, goals related to your interests and passions, and spiritual goals. Although your eventual career goal may seem a long way off, setting goals and objectives which will take you there will make the process a lot easier. For each goal you have written ask yourself what it will take to get you there. For example, if you want a senior management position in a specific company, the step before that might be middle management in the firm or a similar organization. If you are currently working in a different industry, you’ll need to find out what experience you’ll need to make the transition. There may also be qualifications and additional skills which you need to develop. As your list moves back towards the present, you’ll be able to plan each step and should find something which you can do today. That could be simply doing some online research into your chosen career or it could be checking out advertisements to see if you’re ready to move a little closer to your goal, or contacting a local college to enquire about night school classes.

As you uncover the steps you need to take to achieve your goals, you will see if your career goals are compatible with your lifestyle goals. There will be times when you have to compromise, such as when first starting out in a career which makes big demands on newcomers. An example of this is medicine, where junior doctors have to work extremely long hours. If you have a plan, you will be able to see where compromise is necessary and where it should end.

Another important consideration is that goals change as you get older. So what was important in your 20s may not matter at all by the time you reach 40 or 50. So it is essential to realize that goals will change and you must be flexible – there is no point in working towards a goal if it no longer interests you or conflicts with more important goals which have shown up later in your life.

Goal setting success is not the result of simply making a plan, it’s the result of developing that plan, making changes as necessary and perhaps even ditching it for a better one.

About the author :

By Waller Jamison Have you lost sight of your dream job? Re-motivate yourself for success. Discover what you were born to do with our Free Career Change Course
http://www.coolercareers.com

Ten Tips For Beating Depression

2007-04-15T01:38:00.001-07:00

I heard about a woman who was suffering from depression, so her concerned husband took her to a psychiatrist. The doctor listened to the couple talk about their relationship, and then he said, "The treatment I prescribe is really quite simple." With that, he went over to the man's wife, gathered her up in his arms, and gave her a big kiss. He then stepped back and looked at the woman's glowing face and broad smile. Turning to the woman's husband, he said, "See! That's all she needs to put new life back into her." Expressionless, the husband said, "If you say so, Doc, I can bring her in on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

Okay, that's not how to treat depression, but I have a few other suggestions that make more sense. As a result of trial and error, over the course of thirty years, I've found ten blues battling strategies that often help me. These are not quick fixes, and this list is not exhaustive. It is also not a "must do" list.

When you're depressed, the last thing you need is a list of expectations to live up to. Don't stress about forcing yourself to accomplish all these things. They're not items to be checked off a list each day. The only one that is crucial is number one. After that, you can experiment with the others as you feel able to.

1) Get the Facts and Get Help.

Web sites and books on depression abound. Find them and do some research. You need to know what you're dealing with. Learn all you can about depression, so you can make educated decisions about your own health, learn how others cope, and find what medical treatment is available. Many books have self tests to help you determine whether you are experiencing clinical depression or temporary sadness in reaction to an event. In addition to reading everything you can get your hands on, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is seek medical help right away. Depression is much too complicated for you to solve on your own. Clinical depression is a serious medical condition that is very complicated to treat. Often it is a physical problem that requires long term medication. In my own experience, it's taken years of medication, counseling, and practicing various self help methods to slowly emerge from it, and it's still a daily battle.

Many people suffer needlessly from depression because they won't consult a doctor. If you're waiting for God to heal you, consider this: God gives scientists intelligence, which they often use to create helpful medicines; and He gives doctors wisdom to treat illnesses. Wise doctors and modern medicines are gifts from God and vehicles through which He often heals. Doctors can help you determine whether what you feel is truly depression, or if you are just reacting normally to a sad life situation.

If you've experienced depression, you already know it is not an illness you can "snap out of," no matter what others may tell you. It's not something to be ashamed of either. Depression can be a serious physical illness caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals or other factors. Like any serious medical condition, depression needs to be treated. Without the proper treatment, none of my suggested coping strategies will do any good.

2) Get Focused.

Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness pervade the life of a depressed person. The opposite of depression is a hopeful attitude. Focusing on hope and developing a hopeful heart is a must. It can be accomplished in a couple ways. One way is to search the Bible for the numerous Scriptures that tell how God has helped those who felt hopeless. It's helpful to memorize verses like these: Hebrews 4:15 (For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.); 2 Corinthians 4:8 & 9 (All-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.); Matthew 6:34 (Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.); Isaiah 41:10 (Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.); and John 14:27 (Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.).

The story of Job and the book of Psalms are the most worn pages in my Bible. While at my lowest, I've read and re-read them more times than I can count. My fridge and the mirrors in my house are covered with sticky notes reminding me of how God intervenes in the lives of His people.

Another way to focus on hope is by practicing positive self talk. This simply means telling yourself good things. I made a list for myself of positive affirmations like "God cares and understands my pain. God values me. God is giving me strength. I am made in God's image. I can choose my attitude. I choose not to put myself down. I'm a worthwhile person. I have a purpose. I enjoy life. I choose to be happy and I am competent." If you struggle with depression, I think you'll find it helpful to write down as many of these affirmations as you can think of and read them every day. Even if they're not currently true or you don't really believe them, it's okay. Say them to yourself anyway. Your mind will come to believe what you tell it, so tell it you are already the type of person you want to become. Be sure to remind yourself often that God is with you and He is pouring his strength on you. "Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance. ...For You are the God of my strength..." (Psalm 42:5 and 43:2 NKJV)

2 Corinthians 4:18 says we need to "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." Focusing on positive, heavenly things rather than earthly things will keep the feelings of hopelessness at bay.

3) Get Friendly.

Fellowship with other people is a mood lifter. Being alone is the worst thing you can do when you're depressed. Unfortunately, it's usually the very thing I want most. Depression grows best in isolation. I find it very difficult to get out and socialize when I'm depressed, but if I push myself to do it, I'm almost always glad later. Some ideas for socializing include joining a club, taking a class, inviting someone to meet you for lunch, or visiting a nursing home to chat with the residents there. It especially helps me to be with friends who enjoy the same hobbies I do. Shopping, watching movies, and rubber stamping are some of the things I enjoy doing alone, but they're twice as much fun when I do them with friends.

4) Get Giggling.

I collect cartoons and funny newspaper columns. I visit humor web sites online, watch funny movies, and read funny books. Best of all is laughing with friends. One of the reasons I enjoy my grandson so much is because he makes me laugh. I can act goofy with him and let go of my inhibitions. We dance and sing and make up silly rhymes. I have photographs of us wearing funny glasses with big black mustaches. I laugh every time I look at those. Laughing affects brain chemicals. It releases endorphins, which make you feel good. Chocolate does the same thing, but a good laugh is less fattening.

A friend of mine, who had a very frustrating job, told me that one day she was inspired by someone who had a huge, bright smile. She decided to emulate that woman and smile at everyone she encountered. Right away, she realized that smiling was addictive. It seemed to make the time pass more quickly and she found herself less frustrated and more at peace. She told me, "It sounds corny, but it really works!"

Paul wrote, "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4 NKJV) I've heard that a person can act her way into feeling better. Act happy, act glad, and it helps you to feel happy and glad. Paul exhibited this truth in his own life. Acts 16 tells how Paul and Silas were attacked, beaten, locked in stocks, and thrown into solitary confinement. Yet, at midnight, what were they doing? Feeling sorry for themselves? Asking God, "Why?" Moaning and complaining like I do? No, they were singing! Sure they were suffering, but they knew they were children of God. Paul may have even been remembering his personal encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus. (Acts 22:10) They were praising God because they had been rescued from their sins, filled by the Holy Spirit, and added to God's family. No jailer could take that away. That was worth being grateful for, no matter what else happened to them. Even if they were to be killed, it would only send them to heaven. So why should they fear? That's some awesome faith, isn't it?

5) Get Rhythm.

When I feel a case of the gloomies descending, that is not the time to play melancholy music. Positive upbeat tunes are in order -- the sort of music you might hear at a parade or a circus. Music gets your toes tapping and your blood flowing. It makes you want to sing. Singing and dancing sends a message to your brain that you're happy. Your brain is an actualizer. Whatever it "thinks" is true, it works to bring about. This is why positive thinking works. You tell yourself, "I'm happy" often enough and your brain accepts it as fact. It actualizes that truth, making it happen. I've found that when depression takes hold of me, I tend to ruminate on negative thoughts. Listening to good, Christian music with positive lyrics helps to pour good things into my brain and crowd those negative things out. There's a list of good things to ponder in the fourth chapter of Paul's letter to the Philippian church. It says to think about whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, noble, right, or admirable. Philippians 4:8 says, "If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Christian music helps me accomplish this.

6) Get Busy

We all need to feel like we're involved in something significant. We need to participate in something outside ourselves. You might consider volunteering at a local women's shelter or food pantry. I've enjoyed both and discovered that when I stay busy helping others and concentrating on their problems, I get a break from focusing on my own troubles. This is how HUGS and HOPE began. It started with a small effort to make a difference for one family and it grew. I've learned that joy boomerangs. When you give it away, it comes back to you. Helping others gives you the heart-warming satisfaction of knowing you are making a difference in the world. That will elevate your mood as well as your self esteem.

7) Get Physical

This is two-fold. Physical exercise is good for us, but physical contact is equally important. Our bodies need to move to be healthy, and going for a walk is the easiest exercise for me to do when I'm depressed. It doesn't require as much energy and motivation as other activities. Breathing the fresh air and looking at the beauty of nature can be helpful, and taking my dog along is even better. Just watching his ears flop as he bounces down the road in front of me often brings a smile to my face.

Exercise affects brain chemicals, and the healing touch of physical closeness does too. If you're depressed, hug somebody - anybody, everybody! A hug is good medicine. It reduces stress and tension and it boosts your immunity to illness. Hugs raise self esteem and lower blood pressure. They feel good and make people happy. And they're free! Hugs are the universal language that communicates love and acceptance. They're healthy for the "hugger" as well as the "hugee."

8) Get Quiet

I need to lean heavily on God's word and spend time with Him. When I pray, I talk things over with God. When I read the Bible and meditate on it, I hear Him speak to me and I contemplate what He says. I've found this to be one of the best anti-depressants there is. However, I need to add a word of caution here. Too much solitude can worsen depression. Isolating yourself and avoiding people can make depression grow. Don't use meditation time as an excuse to avoid human contact. Time with God is of the utmost importance, but balance between quiet time alone and time spent with others is essential.

9) Get Forgiveness – And Give it Too!

I've read that many psychiatrists agree that depression is guilt or anger turned inward. David is an example of someone whose guilt led to depression. After committing adultery, he wrote, "When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer." (Psalm 32:3-4)

Sin makes you feel bad, but when you receive God's forgiveness, your guilt is removed; and often depression is removed too.

Depression can sometimes be caused from the need to forgive someone else or yourself (whomever is making you angry). Grudges cause feelings of frustration, which aggravate the hopeless feelings of depression. When we forgive, we let go of past hurts and give up bitterness. Then depression has no negativity on which to feed. If you free yourself from feelings of hate and open yourself up to feelings of love, you may feel as if the depression is physically lifting off your shoulders.

My friend Nance went through a difficult divorce, which left her bitter about the past, anxious about the future, and miserable in general. She harbored a lot of grudges and guilt, and she worried constantly. She felt the need to control everything in her life, yet she knew she couldn't. After attending a women's retreat, Nance realized what her negativity was doing to her.She released her worries, fears, anger, and resentments at the foot of the cross. Then she felt a renewal in her heart. She was happy and at peace.

When she was dying, Nance told me that the most difficult thing she'd ever had to do was forgive – both her ex-husband and herself -- for past mistakes. She said forgiving was even harder than dying!

Forgiveness isn't a simple one time event. It's a process that often takes time (sometimes years), but it's an important step to healing.

Jesus taught forgiveness when he said we'd be forgiven in the same way we forgive others, and when he told Peter we should forgive, not seven times, but seventy times seven. Of course, Jesus also lived forgiveness. While hanging on the cross, he looked at his torturers and said, "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)

10) Get Thankful.
When I'm depressed, I need to make a conscious effort to count my blessings. An attitude of hopelessness and discontent has a hard time competing with an attitude of gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:28 says, "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." It's important to remember that depression is not fatal and it doesn't last forever. You WILL survive! Remind yourself that this cloud of despair will pass eventually. It may seem like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but trust that there is; and be thankful for that, as you wait for the light to appear.

So, while kisses from your husband (or a psychiatrist) may be great, they can't cure depression. But along with medication and the proper treatment, now you have some practical steps you can take for your own well being. There are times when one of these strategies may be more helpful than the rest. Other times, it may seem that none of them makes a huge difference. But I keep practicing all of them anyway, because I know they are steps toward a healthier lifestyle. Following them on a regular basis may not eliminate depression forever, but they help me to minimize their severity.

These tips can be helpful for people who are not depressed too. They can be useful for anyone who is a little discouraged, a little blue, or needs to refocus on more positive things in life.

I hope that by trying these ideas you may find yourself on the way to experiencing more joy.

About the author :

Author Marsha Jordan is founder of a nonprofit charity called Hugs and Hope for Sick Children (http://www.hugsandhope.org). More of her articles on depression are in her book, Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter, a compilation of essays illustrated with drawings by critically ill children. A wonderful mix of the serious and the zany, this book warms the heart and lifts the spirit. PROCEEDS BENEFIT SICK KIDS! This book was written to encourage anyone who faces disappointment -- which is EVERYone! Some essays in the book include "What Did I Do To Deserve This?" "What Was God Thinking?" and "More Than I Can Handle."

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

2007-04-15T01:36:00.001-07:00

1) Listen without judgment. The key to good communication is listening well. Save your judging for later after you have heard and understood what was said.

2) Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion. No obligation to actually being swayed, but stay open to the option.

3) Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you respond.

4) Do not be invested in being right. Being right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.

5) If your mind wanders, ask for repetition. We all are subject to distraction. Try to stay focused.

6) In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct.

7) Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read only in other people.

8) Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful and sincere.

9) Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white, but somewhere in a gray area. Get comfortable with gray.

10) Have integrity and build trust. Don't say what you don't mean. Don't promise what you won't or can't fulfill. Follow through with any committments you make.

Good listening skills take practice. Specific coaching may be necessary if you find you have communication issues with your boss, colleagues, subordinates, partners or personal relationships.

About the author :

Dorene Lehavi, Ph.D. is principal of Next Level Business and Professional Coaching. She coaches Professionals and Business Partners and teaches teleclasses on techniques to break through barriers to the next level. Dr. Lehavi offers a complimentary coaching session so you can experience how coaching can work for you. Contact Dr. Lehavi at DL@CoachingforYourNextLevel.com or on the web at http://www.CoachingforYourNextLevel.com

7 Strategies to Overcoming Anxiety and Panic Attacks

2007-04-15T01:34:00.000-07:00

You Can Overcome panic attacks and anxiety!

That is great news to those who suffer day in and day out, year in and year out. I have and I know that you can too.

THE SYMPTOMS
For me it started with heart palpitations. My thoughts immediately steered to fear. Then my throat would become dry so I could not swallow. Then my body would feel "weird". Dizziness and blurred vision. By this time I was convinced that I was about to die. I kept waiting for the symptoms to get worse and they did. I use to suffer from panic attacks so badly that I had to go to the hospital by ambulance. I was so embarrassed when the doctor checked me and told me that there was nothing wrong with me. When I had to go grocery shopping I would get a funny feeling in my stomach before I left the house. Once I got inside the grocery store I felt like I had to run out or else I would become overwhelmed. I dreaded the thought that I might have a panic attack in public. I had to talk to myself and prayed up and down each and every aisle of the store. I knew that if I ran out, my family would not have food and I would have to start all over again. The people in the store had no idea the personal torture I was experiencing. People at church had no idea how hard it was to sit in a large crowd.

AWARENESS When the symptoms first started, I had no idea what was happening to me. One day I was watching T.V. and some people were on a show talking about the symptoms and the light went on, "That's me! That's what I have been going through". That was the beginning of my healing! Knowledge is power. I thank God that He allowed me to turn to the channel and hear those people talking. I also helped me to know that I was not alone. I suppose that those of you who suffer from the effects of anxiety are glad to hear that you are not alone.

Steps to Overcoming

1) READ Read as much as possible about anxiety and understand what are some of the causes. (Email me for link to books).

2)PROFESSIONAL HELP Go to a counselor or therapist to get to the bottom of the anxiety. The physical discomforts are trying to get your attention - Pay attention to a greater dis-ease within. Pray for God to send you to the right person. He will.

3)RELAXATION Listen to a tape or CD for RELAXATION This was one of the things that helped me tremendously. I needed to reprogram my mind with positive and true statements that were life giving and empowering. Click below for CD's and cassette tapes to help you overcome anxiety and panic attacks. Breathing correctly is a part of relaxation.

4) EXERCISE Physical excercise has tremendous value. It releases chemicals that generate good feelings, called pheromones. It's good to feel good!

5) HEALING IN GOD'S WORD Meditate on scriptures that enhance your trust in God. One scripture that helps me when I really let it sink in is: Matthew 5:25-34. Am I not more than a bird to God? You better believe it and so are you! Birds don't work or store up food yet God takes care of them. Wow! The next time you see a bird think about that!

6) MAP YOUR JOURNEY Create a time line by drawing on a sheet of paper when your first signs of discomfort started. Write down what major events happened at that same time. Note the year/date. Go back as far as you can. This process helps you to take a bird's eye view of your life. When I did this exercise, I found that the first time I experienced a full panic attack was in 1984 and I had just made a major move from someone very dear to me. I also discovered that there agoraphobia before any panic attack ever appeared. Do this it will help you understand what has been going on and what triggers extreme anxiety. (You may need to use than one piece of paper).

7)God's Power to Heal
Remember,God still heals. We must let go of all the passed disappointments, and betrayals. God is not like any human being with whom we have had a relationship. God faithful and just. Jesus walked this earth so you can talk to Him about yours trials. Pray as the early disciples did, "Lord, increase my faith". FAITH is the opposite of anxiety. Faith not only pleases God but keeps us trusting in God's fatherly care. I am a witness!! Praise God!

About the author :

Glenda M. Thomas, Editor of Sister 2 Sister Newsletter http://www.glendathomas.com/editor.html

Try These Anger Management Techniques

2007-04-15T01:32:00.000-07:00

Do you find yourself becoming angry at the least little thing? Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper unnecessarily again.

Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain

When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances around to see how you would want to be treated if the other person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and cause external damage.

You also can try traditional anger management techniques to soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten, before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to think about the best approach to a problem rather than responding with random anger.

Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off

In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five- or ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the more popular and useful anger management techniques.

Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more anger management techniques used by thousands.

Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your breast.

About the author :

Steve Hill suggests some easy-to-implement anger management techniques. Learn how to live without anger in your or your family’s life. Read more informative anger management articles and information at: http://www.anger-management-information.com/

How Do You Get ADHD?

2007-04-15T01:31:00.001-07:00

There has been a lot of research done on how exactly you get ADHD, and it is now known that genetics is at least part of the reason. Currently, research shows that at least 30%-40% of individuals with ADHD have a family member that deals with the same kinds of issues. But this does not mean that the whole family will be affected by these issues. It appears through findings that only one member of a family will be affected by ADHD.

There are still many different theories as to what exactly causes ADHD. For many years, it was thought that ADHD was caused by some kind of brain damage. It is now thought that it is caused by brain chemistry. Researchers have been looking specifically at neurotransmitters as the cause of ADHD. Examples of neurotransmitters that could be affected by this disorder are dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. Because people in families tend to have similar brain wirings, it makes sense that ADHD would be at least partly genetic.

Other theories that have been investigated are that ADHD could also be caused by some sort of illness or accident that caused damage to the brain. This could include complications that occur during pregnancy such as drugs used to prevent infectious diseases, overexposure to radiation or a complicated delivery. Other causes could be the use of alcohol during pregnancy.

Many have questioned whether nutritional deficiencies have any link to ADHD. While it has not been ruled out, I highly doubt that a particular deficiency would cause this disorder. While it is true that certain nutritional deficiencies will cause symptoms that are similar to ADHD, there is no proof or scientific evidence that a link exists. Research experts in autism and other behavior disorders have looked for a nutritional link as well, but none exists. There has been some evidence that the Feingold diet may help diminish symptoms of ADHD, though.

Since the diagnosis of ADHD has become so much more common in recent years, it is often that an older family member will get diagnosed while bringing their son or daughter in to get tested. This may provide some relief to individuals who weren't sure exactly why they were the way they were. Some may decide to go on medication upon diagnosis, and some may not. But often the late diagnosis does explain some part of the individual's life that did not make sense before.

If there are not members in a family that have ADHD per se, there may be other similar disorders. Although there is not a formal link between autism and ADHD, there are similarities and the two disorders tend to run together. Someone may have autism or Asperger's in your family background. Also, someone may have bipolar or OCD; these are mainly brain based disorders that have been loosely linked to ADHD and are sometimes co-morbid.

About the author :

Keith Londrie II is a well known author. For more information on ADHD, please visit ADHD for a wealth of information. You may also want to visit keith's own web site at http://keithlondrie.com/

Kicking Your Addiction – The 5 Golden Rules

2007-04-15T01:28:00.000-07:00

Rule # 1- Forget Will Power, Your will is what got you where you are!

Our addictions are such a powerful and relentless force that no one person can conquer it on their own. As soon as we accept this fact, and believe me it is a proven fact, then we have given our selves a realistic chance of finding recovery and overcoming the bondage of self will. If we try to kid ourselves into thinking that we can kick our addiction with our own will power then we will remain sick in our disease and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, never remaining clean for any substantial amount of time. It is essential to realize that it is “our own will” that led us to our addiction and our own will that kept us suffering. Left up to us we will continually search for different ways to use “successfully”, but this is nothing more than an illusion. This is the voice of our disease speaking to our weakness, telling us we don’t have a problem or we need our drugs just to function or “stay level”. Our disease wants to keep us sick; it is far to powerful for us to try to fight it alone. It takes us from our family’s, our friends, and in many cases it is so powerful it even takes us from our children. Who in their right mind would give up the ones they love so very much over drugs, alcohol or any addiction? The answer is simple: nobody in his or her right mind would. When we are sick in our addictions however, we are far from being in our right mind; in fact our mind is no longer controlled by us, but by our addictions. The drugs are calling all the shots; they rule our day, our thoughts, and our every decision. We are not in control of our lives and we are caught up in an endless circle of sickness and despair. Surrender your will and miracles will begin to happen, I can promise you that first hand.

Rule # 2- You don’t have to do this alone. There are people who want to help you!

Our disease wants us to think we are alone, but we are not alone at all in reality, there are millions of addicts just like us and we need each other to beat this horrible existence. Millions of addicts have found recovery and they live wonderfully happy lives today. Don’t dare believe the old cliché, “once an addict, always an addict”. The lie is dead, and I for one am a living example. My life today is full of blessings and true happiness. There is so much help available to us from other addicts who have found recovery and new lives for them selves, and they dedicate their lives to helping addicts who still suffer. That’s one of the major ways that we stay clean, by giving to others what was given so freely to us. There are 12 step meetings everywhere you look, all hours of the day, every day of the week. At these meetings you will find others who once felt hopeless, but now are free. There is a loving code of acceptance to all who seek their help and desire freedom from their addiction. People who understand us and love us unconditionally, without judgment. Who better to help an addict than another addict who has been in his shoes and found the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel known as Recovery? No matter how bad you think your problem is or how low your addiction has taken you, there will always be addicts who were worse off then you, felt more hopeless than you, yet found serenity and sobriety just like you are about to.

Rule # 3- We must chase our recovery as strongly as we chased our next high!

When we needed our drugs we did whatever it took to get them. Now it is time to do whatever it takes to free ourselves from the bondage of our addictions. We must take that same intensity and perseverance and turn the tables on our addiction. Just as nothing stood in the way of our pursuit of our next high, nothing can stand in the way of our recovery and ultimate happiness. We need to change everything. We can no longer associate with the same people who were part of our old addicted lives. If we want to be healthy then we must not spend time with those who choose to stay sick. We can no longer visit the places that were part of our old addicted lives. We must leave them behind if we are to move ahead, no exceptions. And finally, we must change the things that we use to do when we were still sick in our addiction. We have no business being in clubs, bars, or any place that triggered our addiction. Everything changes for the better, but we better change everything from our sick addicted days first. Holding on to reservations is a sure recipe for relapse and even more suffering then before. If we want our lives back bad enough then we are going to have to fight for it. That’s what this is all about, fighting for our lives, our freedom, our loved ones, and our happiness. This is one battle that is worth every bit of the fight! It’s time to live, rather than just exist. I fought this battle and I was victorious, you will find the same wonderful results if you’re truly sick and tired of living your life in chains.

Rule # 4- Work The 12 Steps! – The Secret to Staying Clean

It’s a wonderful feeling when we are clean for awhile and we begin to reap the rewards and blessings from our victory over our addiction, but the journey is just beginning and we must take certain steps to keep our new freedom that we have fought so very hard for. We must understand that even though we have given up the drugs we will always be in recovery. Don’t take this as a bad thing because it is actually an opportunity for us to learn how to truly live our lives to the fullest. It is a continuing education that helps us to grow and leads us down a path to serenity and inner peace. The 12 steps are a guide designed by those who came before us and outlined the steps they took to not online find freedom from active addiction but to ensure that we never have to go back to our old lives. Getting clean was one thing, but staying clean is our ultimate goal. We never have to go back to our old lives of self-destruction and despair again. By working these steps, attending 12 step meetings, and helping other addicts who are still suffering, we give ourselves the tools we need to fix any problem in our lives without the use of drugs. This is not an option, for this is the one proven path that will lead us to a lifetime of freedom and an abundance of rewards.

Rule # 5- Always Keep Your Gratitude! A grateful addict will never use!

Always remember where you were, all the horrible places your addiction took you. Remain humble and put your ego aside. Your gratitude will keep you clean! Your ego will send you back to the pit you once dwelled in. Never believe that you have your addiction licked, this is a disastrous invitation for relapse. Always remember what your life was like during your active addiction. Keep it very green no matter how long you have been clean. Never lose sight of your gratitude. By helping others in need we stay clean ourselves. We are reminded of where we once were and we remain grateful for our deliverance from our suffering and hopelessness. A grateful addict will never use! Life is yours for the taking, so take your new life and find your true happiness.

For Links and info to NA or other 12 step Sites or to read more about real life miracles, please visit Jay's Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom http://www.jaysplan.com/ http://www.mistermomshome.com/

About the author : Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay's own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourceful family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites. If you would like to contact Jay, he will be happy to accept your email to him at BOCABOYJAY@aol.com

Attention Deficit Disorder Treatment

2007-04-15T01:25:00.000-07:00

In many cases, for those who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, the relief can be just as pervasive as the trepidation. Suddenly, as years of symptoms are explained, a whole new world of possibilities opens for managing this condition. Attention Deficit Disorder treatment continues to advance and sufferers of the disorder are benefiting significantly.

Defined as a consistent behavior of inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and in some cases, a combination of both, Attention Deficit Disorder is most often diagnosed in children under the age of seven.

Attention Deficit Disorder affects many areas of a child’s life; often children are unable to concentrate in classroom settings and learning suffers; social situations that are normal benchmarks for average children can be incredibly difficult for children who suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. Additionally, problems focusing, completing tasks, and, in some cases, controlling impulsive behavior are key characteristics of Attention Deficit Disorder.

Because of the relative newness of the diagnosis many adults suffered undiagnosed and misunderstood with Attention Deficit Disorder throughout childhood. Now, as adults, they finally have a name for these symptoms that were so disruptive in their youth and have now followed them into adulthood.

Adult sufferers of Attention Deficit Disorder often have difficulties in the work environment. The inability to complete tasks or concentrate can unfairly label them poor workers and often job longevity is beyond grasp.

Additionally, in many cases, adult relationships are severely impacted by the affects of Attention Deficit Disorder.

Luckily, through advancements of Attention Deficit Disorder Treatment, thousands of children - and adults alike - have gotten relief and claimed control over their lives.

Attention Deficit Disorder Treatment comes in many forms. First and foremost, psychotherapy for any age can be instrumental in combating symptoms and managing the daily affects of the disorder.

Medical advances in Attention Deficit Disorder Treatment continue every day. There are a number of effective medications on the market that have been quite successful in managing Attention Deficit Disorder.

Stimulant drugs such as Ritalin, Adderall, and Clonidin – that help improve concentration and reduce agitation - have been very effective in Attention Deficit Disorder Treatment. Additionally, new strides in medication have brought the more recent introduction of Strattera – the first non-stimulant medication that has been approved in the treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder.

While there is no cure for Attention Deficit Disorder, there are many ways to successfully manage the condition. Attention Deficit Disorder Treatment can lessen the symptoms and open up new doors for sufferers of any age.

About the author :

By Michelle Bery For easy to understand, in depth information about attention deficit disorder visit our ezGuide 2 Attention Deficit Disorder. http://attentiondeficitdisorder.ezguide2.com/

Principles of Leadership

2007-04-15T01:16:00.000-07:00

Many wish to be leaders. Few understand the true essence of Leadership, which is a compound of four separate ingredients,each one necessary and absolutely vital to all of the others. Those ingredients are: - Clear vision - Execution of tasks - Objectivity - Loyalty Vision means one has the ability to see beyond today and its challenges, to set and pursue long term goals,yet stay in the moment enough to accomplish daily results. Vision and action, therefore, must always co-exist dynamically. Vision can be created from awareness, but it must continuously be modified by new perceptions. As one grows, as the world changes, one's vision will require adjustments. Therefore, the essence of vision is to be strategically flexible, and yet, the awareness behind one's vision is fundamentally unchangeable.

Vision without action is depression waiting to occur. Action without vision is too mechanical to be enjoyed. "Microwave thinking" (Seeking immediate gratification vs. allowing time by cultivating a great strategy) is the opposite of vision. When vision is present, and combined with a great product, service, or marketing strategy, leadership has begun and success is going to follow. However, one of the most important facets of leadership is the leader's ability to execute.

Execution originates in decisiveness, but must include the ability to follow through on all aspects of that decision, long after the initial excitement of the moment has passed. Generally speaking, leaders make quick decisions and stay with them long-term. Non-leaders take a long time to make decisions, then shortly after, pull back from fully implementing what they have decided upon.

This is not to say that leaders never change their mind. Everyone has the right to change their mind, and surely a leader must claim that right whenever necessary. But leaders change their mind not because of fear, but rather because of new intuition, or insight. New challenges can occur, and may get in the way of execution, yet a leader is proactive and solution-oriented, rather than reactive and problem-oriented.

Objectivity is the ability to see things as they are, including one's self. It must go hand in hand with allowing oneself to create solutions when necessary. A leader is very objective, very open, when it comes to noticing his or her shortcomings. They are unafraid of looking objectively because they know that their shortcomings don't define who they are. Rather, they are what she or he must choose to work on, within.

Therefore, objective leaders are self-correctors. They are their own best students. To be a self-corrector is not the same as undergoing self-criticism, or self-judgment. It is a process of maintaining clarity, not slowing down for blame. Self criticism gets in the way of self correction because it further clouds the mind of the individual, blocking the clarity that is required for being an effective self corrector.

A leader's deepest loyalty is to his or her vision. Second is their loyalty to remaining patient while pursuing that vision. Third is one's loyalty to others who are inspired to be part of fulfilling that vision. Within true loyalty there is no room for guilt. Those who try to secure the loyalty of others based on fear and guilt are not true leaders. Quite the contrary, the essence of loyalty is found in love, trust, and the empowerment of others who are part of the vision.

A true leader will never confuse leadership with aggressive selfishness. Although this is often a path to leadership, it leads to achievement that carries with it emptiness and despair. Aggressive and selfish leadership is like placing a ladder alongside a tower, climbing up, and finding desolation. The Principle of Leadership says that a leader can and should strive to climb a ladder that is rooted and stabilized by vision, execution, objectivity, and loyalty. Once reaching the top of this ladder, the leader will find it to be leaning upon the tower of fulfillment.

About the author :

Dr. Ellie Drake Savvy businesswoman, doctor, in-demand motivational speaker,mother and an inspiration to men and women around the globe. She maintains a demanding schedule of personal appearances as well as a series of web sites, each offering insights and products designed to help individuals achieve their personal best. Ellie Drake is down to earth and funny! Visit Be a Millionaire Success http://freebookoffer1.com/

A Source of Inspiration

2007-04-15T01:14:00.000-07:00

A light was on in one office, even though most of the other offices had been dark for hours. The manager continued to work in the silence of the empty building, reviewing reports, studying numbers, responding to messages and emails that others would not read until the next morning. There was so much to do, so many responsibilities and so many decisions that would wait for the manager's guiding hand.

The silence was broken as the manager was startled to see one of the employees standing at the door. The employee knocked hesitantly, one foot in the office and the other still in the hallway. "May I come in for a moment?" asked the employee.

"Of course," smiled the manager, leaning back in the chair. "What are you doing here so late?"

"I had a lot of work to do and I wanted to catch-up," said the employee. "If I get behind then it could impact our customers, and I don't want that to happen. It's my responsibility, and I want to take care of it. I know that's what you would do."

"You're probably right," the manager said with a laugh. "So what made you stop in here?"

The employee approached the desk, sat down in one of the chairs beside it and said, "I wanted to ask you a question."

"Go ahead."

The employee began, "You always work so hard, and you always take care of us. You come in early. You stay late. No matter how much you have to do, you always take time to talk to any one of us when we need you. You are so busy taking time for us during the day that you have to stay late at night to catch up on your own work. Yet, you never complain. You make us want to work harder and do better, and you give us every opportunity to be successful. You are an inspiration to the rest of us, so what inspires you?"

The manager's eyes widened, "Wow, well that was quite a surprise. I appreciate the kind words and admit that you completely caught me off guard."

"Well?" persisted the employee, "What is your source of inspiration?"

The manager was silent for a moment, carefully contemplating the response. Then the manager stood up and said, "follow me."

As the manager and the employee walked down a row of cubicles, the manager started to point into them one by one. The cubicles belonged to the colleagues of the employee. "This person is a single parent and comes to work each day to support two children. Those children need someone to look up to, someone to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. This person doesn't work for me, this person works for them."

The manager paused at the next cubicle and said, "This person is a grandmother who is working days so she can pay for her college education at night. She doesn't need a degree and it won't make any difference for her career. She is already past retirement age and she could quit at any time. She wants that degree to make her children proud and to give her grandchildren someone to look up to. She doesn't work for me, she works for them."

The manager moved to the next cubicle and said, "This person is overqualified for the job. It would be easy to leave for another company, probably get a promotion out of it and earn better pay. Why doesn't this person leave? After eleven years working with the same group of people, it is like a family. This person doesn't work for me, this person works here for all of you."

The manager paused at the next cubicle and said, "This person has a family to support. Two kids in school, a mortgage, two car payments, and a whole host of obligations that comes with taking care of a family. Needless to say, you know that this person doesn't work for me."

The manager pointed down the line of cubicles, "That young man is engaged to be married, and he is saving up to buy their first home. That next person has a daughter in college. The next one wants to build a career out of this experience. The one after that wants to be a musician and only does this job to earn enough money to pay the bills."

Walking into the corridor, the manager paused and smiled as the custodian came around the corner. "This person barely speaks our language, but comes to work every day when everyone else has gone home. More than half of the money earned will go to family members who do not even live in our country, while this person keeps only enough to pay for food, shelter and transportation here every day. This person comes into my office and takes away my trash, not for me, but because it is what needs to be done to earn the money that goes to a family that lives hundreds of miles away."

"And then there is you," said the manager with a big smile. "You have your own reasons for coming in here every day. When I need a source of inspiration, all I have to do is look around me. I am surrounded by it. Inspiration comes from recognizing what is important to the people around you and making it your own. If I can feel the dedication that these people feel for their children, for their families, for their hopes and dreams, then I have all the inspiration that I need. They are inspired by their own sense of purpose, and I am inspired by them. Just as you believe that you are inspired by me, I am inspired by you."

Words of Wisdom

"Inspiration may be a form of superconsciousness, or perhaps of subconsciousness - I wouldn't know. But I am sure it is the antithesis of self- consciousness." - Aaron Copland

"Leadership is based on inspiration, not domination; on cooperation, not intimidation." - William Arthur Wood

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others." - Robert Louis Stevenson

About the Author :

John Mehrmann is a freelance writer and President of Executive Blueprints Inc., an organization devoted to improving business practices and developing human capital. http://www.ExecutiveBlueprints.com provides resource materials for trainers, sample Case Studies, educational articles and references to local affiliates for consulting and executive coaching.

What It Takes To Be A Life Coach

2007-04-15T01:01:00.000-07:00

Excellence in life and executive coaching is the same as excellence in anything – you must make a decision to learn your craft. Learning is not just reading and studying a manual; it’s actually doing the thing you wish to master. Life coaching is not a spectator sport, it is a full participation, let’s-learn-how-this-works endeavour that can be extremely rewarding.

Great life coaches not only learn through doing their craft, they are interested in and happy for someone else’s success. They are comfortable celebrating achievement, rather than critiquing it or looking for flaws.

Successful life coaches are willing to receive feedback about how they can improve their craft. They keep the loop of learning open, knowing that what they think they know is just the tip of the iceberg, and there is so much more to be savoured. This means they receive feedback from mentors and other coaches as well as their clients about how they can improve their craft.

Life coaches who excel have an interest in personal development. They value the journey of self-improvement and they’re willing to learn more about how and why people choose to do what they do. They are curious about what motivates us and see value in learning more about how to get results.

Great life coaches are excellent communicators. They may have friends come to them asking their advice, and people may find them attractive to talk with. And they’re happy to chat and lend an ear. When they start out in their professional life coach training they may need to learn the skills of coaching communication, and then they apply themselves to learning even more about how to effectively communicate with their clients to assist them to get their desired results.

Great life coaches are persistent and know that it isn’t what you do some of the time that gets results, but what you are prepared to do consistently. They understand that persistence pays, and even when they experience some disappointment, they know that this is part of the natural cycle of life and keep going.

Excellence in a coach is an attitude of ‘possibilities’. Cynics need not apply, as cynicism is simply a fear of being disappointed. Coaches know that because disappointment is inevitable if we have goals, they must stay open to the possibilities of how to turn the situation around.

Life coaches who excel are willing to experience success. They are willing to get over self-sabotage, the fear of failure, the fear of success and every other fear and just have a go at achieving personal excellence. They recognise that extraordinary feats are accomplished by ordinary people making ordinary decisions. Their goal is to be their personal best, and through the journey of achieving this they learn compassion, tolerance, patience, forgiveness – as well as focus, commitment, dedication and passion.

Life coaches who are willing to continue their professional training and seek more knowledge about how to best assist their clients will know that their success is bound to increase. Accredited, professional life and executive coaches are committed to mastery of their craft. They don’t settle for shortcuts in their coaching training, but are willing to apply themselves and learn all they can about human behaviour, personal development, Neuro-linguistic Programming and life coaching.

Excellence in life and executive coaching is achieved not through knowing all the answers but through being willing to find out the answers. The decision to become an accredited life coach is a first step towards the achievement of this. Let the journey begin.

About the author :

Sharon Pearson is a professional, accredited life, executive and business coach. She is the founder and CEO of The Coaching Institute, Australia’s leading accredited life coach training school, is a published author and an in-demand public speaker and trainer. You can visit The Coaching Institute at http://www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au

20 Keys to Parenting Teen-agers

2007-04-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Would you like some help with parenting your teen-ager? As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I noticed that parents were having similar problems with their children during their teen-years. I realized that the children and parents often talked about their frustrations and did not know how to express what they wanted.

The following poems that I made into posters are designed to help the fathers and mothers (or guardians) and children communicate in a positive, constructive way. You can use these poems to connect with your teen-ager, and make win-win agreements that can help you be the successful parent you want to be.

"As I Grow Up" is what your teen-ager may want to say to you. "Dear Teen-ager" is what you may want to say to your child. I suggest that you ask your son or daughter to check off what he or she wants to say to you, and you check off what you want to say to your child. Then switch papers, and each of you take turns reading off what the other person wants to say to you. Finally make agreements of what you are both willing to do. This process can greatly improve your parent-child relationship.

AS I GROW UP

Please...

Treat me more as a friend and less as a child. That helps me feel like an equal and encourages me to act more mature.

Problem-solve with me appropriate boundaries and guidelines. That will help me know you care and keep my agreements.

Understand that I may need to spend a lot of time with my friends. I learn important social skills with my peers.

Be guided by my level of maturity. Then you can clearly see who I am and make the appropriate decisions.

Realize that times have changed. Then you'll base your opinions on the present and not the past.

Forgive me when I make mistakes. That will help me learn how to forgive myself and others.

Teach me how to be responsible with money. Then I can learn how to be financially independent.

Accept that my values may be different than yours. That will help me feel okay and respect our differences.

Encourage me to keep my room safe but allow me my private space. Then I can learn how to honor your space and privacy.

Remember that I always need your love and support. That helps me love myself, feel secure, and make the right decisions.

Thank you for preparing me for life. I love you!

DEAR TEEN-AGER

Please . . .

Be patient with me. I am human and sometimes I make mistakes.

Tell me where you are going and when you will return. Then I'll know that you're safe.

Keep your agreements and be responsible. Then I'll be open to allowing you more freedom.

Compliment and appreciate me. That will help me know you realize and value all that I do.

Know that I care about your health and safety and that I am legally responsible for you until you are 18 years old. Then you'll understand why I may sometimes insist you do things a certain way.

Accept me the way I am. I may be different from you or other adults, and I'm okay.

Understand that I may also be going through changes. Sometimes I may need you to be there for me.

Pay attention to me and spend time with me. That will help me feel as important to you as you are to me.

Know that you are okay no matter how I feel and what I do. I'm responsible for all of my feelings and actions.

Be positive and realize that you are responsible for your decisions. That will help you make wise choices and be happy, healthy and successful.

About the author :

©2007 Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. The article is excerpts from her new book, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!" She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.

Improving Your Marriage - 5 Tips

2007-04-15T00:58:00.000-07:00

Marriage counselors and experts would always advice married couples to treat each other with equal and due respect. That, they say is the key to improved marriage.

But still, there are many other factors that dictate the success and smooth flow of a married relationship.

Here are several tips and guidelines that would help you improve your marriage and make it last.

1. Keep an open and free communication. Regular and light talk between you and your partner would lead to a better understanding of both sides. As much as possible, have that line of interaction open, and do not be shy or hesitant to speak out what the two of you have in mind.

2. Work hard to make the relationship count. That means, you have to reach a consensus into executing several tasks, be it home chores or whatever. Division of labor would make the two of you feel like really equals.

3. Have a fantastic and always exciting sex life. Sex is basically making love. It is the key to establishing an intimate bond between a married couple. It is the outlet of intense and over-flowing love so make it as superb and as spectacular as possible. By the way, you would surely enjoy it.

4. Understand. Expand and flex your capacity to understand your partner's shortcomings. Speak out and resolve the matters as partners. Two heads and better than one, as they say.

5. Be sweet. Whenever you have the opportunity, show your partner how you love him or her. Saying nice and sweet words like 'I love you' would not hurt. In fact, it could lead to many other exciting events or activities. It can be an onset or start up for a sultry and fun-filled, head-exploding sex.

Overall, you could improve your marriage if you would sincerely and truly want it. Aim to improve your marriage, and for sure, your instincts would follow suit.

About the author :

By Tim Lee To learn simple, easy strategies to save your marriage, please go to http://www.how-to-save-a-marriage.info/

Marriage - Advice To Improve Quality Of Relationship

2007-04-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

Marriage is a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately, during the current years, more marriages are getting broken than ever. People are not able to co exist together in marriage. What are the possible reasons? Why marriages are breaking faster, why are we not getting what we want from marriage? Are our expectations wrong? Or our choice of partner is faulty? Let us find out.

The major factors that contribute to success in marriage are - Knowing what we desire in the marriage, selecting the right partner for fulfilling those desires, defining marriage goals and getting approval about them from the partner, discussing all the issues that hurt the relationship, changing your own style of relating so that marriage becomes stronger and not giving up so easily if cracks develop and try to save the marriage. a broken marriage is not pleasant for any one and hurts.

A marriage is like a cart on two wheels. Both the partners are the wheels. If one wheel becomes weaker or if the wheels are different in size, the cart stops moving. It is similar with marriage. If one partner over dominates or demands more only for himself/herself, the marriage will suffer. For a marriage to succeed, the partners have to take care of each other's desires, emotions, physical needs and intellectual needs. Both the partners have to support each other to grow and not criticize each other. For example, if a partner knows that his/her spouse is weak in a certain area, it is the duty of the other partner to compensate that and not criticize.

Another factor is fear of conflict. Sometimes, the conflicts become so pain giving that partners avoid talking to each other fearing that a conflict may arise. This fear of conflict will kill all communication. Instead what is needed is- healthy communication and peaceful resolution of conflicts in a spirit of give and take. Why should a partner be afraid of talking to other partner in a marriage? That sounds ridiculous, but this is true. This phase spells near death of a marriage. Marriage is a beautiful phase of life. The secret lies in how to carry on for a lifetime.

About the author :

CD Mohatta writes for ecards and online greetings, screensavers and desktop wallpapers. He writes articles on love, dating and marriage He also writes for Desktop wallpapers - free desktop wallpapers. These are static wallpapers which can be your computer desktop background all the time. Read the messages and get inspired all day. He also writes for fun -quizzes. Here, you can take personality and other quizzes to find out about yourself and your relationships.
http://www.yourromanceguide.com/

Sacred Love - Building Relationships That Last

2007-04-15T00:55:00.000-07:00

Are you in a relationship or thinking about getting into one? If so, then how will you know if you are building a lasting relationship, or simply going through a dance that’ll end in disaster. I’ve written this article as a sort of check list for the uninitiated in how to create and sustain a long term, passionate and totally inspiring relationship. Better, I think, to check the list, than to end up trying to repair damage. Once that is done, it’s extremely difficult.

Here’s a test. True or false.

The more kind you are to someone the more likely it is that they will stay with you in a relationship. True or False.

In a relationship, if someone is critical, nasty or verbally abusive you should approach them and tell them that it’s not ok? True or False.

The secret of romance is being generous, remembering important dates, taking a special someone to a special place. True or False.

Finally, foreplay is the key to great sex life. True or False.

How did you go with this? The answers to all the above are False.

More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. How many of those couples thought they would end in divorce when they first started? It is estimated that 80% of married couples are out of love. How could that happen when everyone you ask will give you all the advise on your relationship, free. Even the taxi driver knows.

And how many people have you met who lived happy contented lives until one day they were informed that they had cancer? The truth was that they had cancer for some time, but didn’t know it. They were unaware of the damage the cancer was causing and had it not been for a chance diagnosis triggered by some sort of discomfort, they would never have known until it was too late.

We know what it takes. Don’t we? We fall in love and go on a honeymoon. We go to Bali, Nepal, Maldives. We have a great time. We come back, we have a wonderful time, but over time, things start to change. Priorities shift, the bubble starts to empty, and then we start thinking of ways to blow the bubble back up again. Make babies and buy houses.

But what happens to love. What happens to love, the thing that drove us to rise above the drama and confusion and emotion, to bypass all the criticisms and expectations. What happens to love?

Here’s my answer. Love is cumulative. It can’t stay static. The love you feel when you first meet someone, must be the least love you feel. It’s like plutonium that leaks from a container. It deteriorates. But how do we grow love? Picking apples does not grow trees, so making love, going on holidays does not grow love. Those are the benefits of it.

To build love, to find love we must stop doing things. And stop wanting things, and stop hoping for things to be different. We must become independent of things and what we want to find love again. Daily. And as each new day dawns, we have more and more reasons to loose that stillness. So, as we re-find love everyday, we re-find that love over the top of challenges. It takes courage, it takes persistence.

At the end of the day, love is as much about hope as it is about anything. When hope exists, love flourishes. Hope of what? Hope of happiness? True or False.

The real core of human motive is the hope of happiness. True. And the true causes of human happiness are dreams. Dreams of anything, unique dreams, individual dreams, emotional dreams, happy dreams, material dreams and powerful dreams. Baby dreams and life long dreams. When we think any dream will come true, we feel happy, and when we think the person we are with will make those dreams come true, we feel in love.

Can you see the emotional link between love and dreams and happiness. Happiness for most of us is a dream come true, and therefore love for another, and dreams are linked. But what a total farce.

Real love cannot rise out of this search for happiness and quest for dreams. Real love comes from contentment, stillness and the absence of all things emotional. Real love is like the flour in the cake. A dry dusty brew of tasteless powder, which, when mixed with water (emotion) fruits (actions) heat (passion) and given a chance to rise with air (romance) becomes something.

I have written a book on love which holds as precious this “flour” Sacred Love means love that lasts. It is beyond the measure of emotion, action, passion and romance. Sacred Love is the flour, our duty is to work the ingredients to ensure the cake can be eaten.

Dreams are a key. That is why I put the vision quest for lovers in the book. Romance is a daily activity. Growing through challenge simply means turning up and love is a lifestyle acknowledges that our environment, in every way, affects our love.

About the author :

Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au

Time Management

2007-04-15T00:51:00.000-07:00

Time management refers to the tools and techniques for planning and scheduling time, with the intention to increase the effectiveness and the efficiency of personal and corporate time use. Management is the process of getting activities completed efficiently and effectively with and through people. Time is irreplaceable, only spendable.

Time management is a subject of importance on every level of your existence, be it family, business or corporate establishment. One very important point to take into consideration is that time is equally allotted to everyone. The equal opportunity among everyone, rich and poor alike, is that we all get 24 hours in a day. Achieving your set goals, assignments or to-do-list within the allotted time is what is crucial to you and your purpose. Time management is all about investing your time wisely in activities that are relevant to your purpose which ultimately help to maximize your potential and minimize your liabilities.

There are exactly twenty-four hours in each day. The idea that I need more time to do this or that is absurd and this is what most people convey. It must be understood that time management is not about managing time as it were. Yet the allotted time is fixed. What you need to manage are the activities that are consuming your time without meaningful results. Again it is not just an issue of accomplishing much within the fixed time but that which is accomplished is substantial and significant to your values, goals, purpose as you journey toward your destiny.

It's imperative that you learn on a regular basis to have another look at your values, goals, projects, and tasks, prioritizing them. Time management is about self-discipline, focusing on what is most important, regularly reassessing your priorities, concentrating on whatever makes you a better person, appreciating time, using it wisely, and taking action now.

Tips for time management

A to-do-list: Create and keep a to do lists. It’s so much easier for your mind to get things out of your head and onto a paper than burdening yourself with the task of remembering every single detail of what has to be done. This is especially useful if you are very busy.

Setting priorities: . Here’s how to work most effectively. As you are planning your day, first put everything to be accomplished on paper. Then, prioritize the activities with the most important task coming first and the least important task coming last. Take action on the most important things first until completion. Then move progressively on to the next task on your list. At the end of the day, no matter what, you will have worked on the first activity on your prioritized list. Incidentally, the apparent difference between high efficient people and low productive people is how they manage their activities within the allotted time.

Goal setting: Goal setting is important in managing your activity to be done within the fixed time. Daily, weekly or monthly goals as the case may be will help you allocate time to the specific goals, which of course will help you know how your time is spent and how much can be accomplished.

Action plan: Someone said failing to plan is planning to fail. No one builds a house without first calculating how much it will cost, before jump starting the building only to discover the lack of resources. To save time there must be action planned to getting the task done from the initial stages to the final stages.

Delegate: This is a method of sharing responsibility with eligible people with a view to enabling you focus your attention on and dedicate yourself to major issues within the framework of the activity to be accomplished. Learning to delegate tasks that can be done by others will free you up some time to concentrate on and get the most done.

Decision: Between you and the corresponding action to be taken is the decision to take action. You find that a lot of activities are left undone just because of indecision. As a result time is wasted. So as to manage your time a clear decision should be made and implemented. Like NIKE; just do it.

Procrastination: This is one of the enemies of time management. You always have to push activities that should be done now forward or on hold until it has piled up to the point where the stacks of things to be done is daunting to say the list.

About the author :

Richard Onebamoi is a Pastor, Business Visionary & Consultant, Mentor, Entrepreneur and Infopreneur. His mission is to inspire your performance, expand your imagination, cultivate your dreams, help you discover, develop and maximize your God given potential as he seeks to advance the plan & purpose of God on the earth. He is married to Catherine and they are blessed withfour children, Naomi-Lisha, Nearia-Destinie, Nathania-Mia and Nathan-Richard. He is also a Registered Site Owner of http://www.leadership-development-resource.com

A Better Memory Plan For You

2007-04-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

This Better Memory Plan has been devised over many years experience. I am a retired doctor and developed this method to help myself remember the people, names, illnesses and all the other detail that a good family doctor needs to know. I have trained senior executives from major international companies, the armed forces and government departments.

The course is, like all the most effective things in the world, quite simple. It just needs a set plan and the encouragement to continue it because, with the best will in the world most of us fail to keep up good resolutions without this help.

The first part is to improve your powers of observation. When you really start to look around you, you will be amazed at what you have failed to see over long periods. This adds tremendous interest to your life as you start to ask yourself why things are as they are. Look at people and try to guess their occupation, background and other details. Look at buildings and think of their architecture and origins. Look at the natural elements around you and notice the changes with the seasons. Observation is more easily improved with two or more people working together.

We all love to be recognised and remembered. If you can do this to other people it will make a big difference to your life. Use your imagination to see people and their faces in an exaggerated cartoon way. This makes them stand out in your mind more, and if you use similar methods to remember their names you will soon become much more adept at names and faces.

A healthy body and active brain needs good food. More and more studies have been coming out recently to show the beneficial effects of good food on the mind and memory. This is particularly important in children and students but is very true throughout life. The wrong foods will have a seriously negative effect on your mental acuity. Good healthy foods need not cost any more, or be more difficult to prepare.

The active brain benefits from regular rest periods, rather than just one sleep at night. The ability to power-nap for periods of between 2 and 20 minutes is enormously refreshing. It takes practice to learn to relax fully into a power-nap and to wake yourself up at your pre-set time, but it is well worth learning.

We all suffer stress of one form or another and good stress-management techniques can turn situations from being a negative problem to being a positive advantage. Basic techniques are easy to learn and to put in to practice, they just need the knowledge and encouragement to do so.

Aerobic exercise is essential in order to keep adequately fit and healthy. The simplest form is a regular walk. The only essential is that it is a form of exercise which you will keep up on a regular basis and therefore must be enjoyable. This is best done with the discipline of a companion to encourage and add interest.

Speed-reading is a great time saver, and surprisingly it improves retention of facts. You will concentrate more over a shorter time with speed-reading with the result that you will remember more of what you have read. You will also be able to read much more!

You can practice these techniques on your own or follow them on the website set up by Dr Stewart and subscribe to his free e-zyne by clicking on the address in the resource box. A six month course with instructions and encouragement sent at fortnightly intervals will cost only £52 and will immediately develop greater fields of interest and open new opportunities.

About the author :

By Roderick Stewart http://www.better-memory-skills.com

How Can I Pick The Right Leadership Training Program

2007-04-15T00:41:00.000-07:00

Leadership covers a vast range of specific skill-sets, almost all of which come under the heading of what trainers call "far transfer training." That means that you have to go all the way back and use them on the job to learn them completely. With that in mind, here are my recommendations for choosing a good program for you.

Specific Skill Areas

Forget about those general leadership workshops that cover everything. Instead, pick a program that will develop a specific skill or set of skills that you need. Here are some general skill areas.

The transition to leadership. Dealing with your boss. Understanding people. Communication. Managing performance. Coaching. Networking. Law. Personal Productivity.

Make sure you pick a workshop that will let you practice skills the way you'll use them on the job. Ropes courses, cooking and other novelty programs may be fun but they don't leave you with much you can use when you get back to work.

When you research potential workshops, write out your own statement of what you'll learn from each workshop you're considering. That way you can determine if there will be specific and helpful learning and if the learning will help you achieve your personal development goals.

Format

A good workshop should have conceptual learning, assessment, and role practice in the specific skill area. You'll learn the most at courses where you learn through exercises, rather than through lecture.

For example, in many leadership workshops, the instructor will tell you what the traits of a great leader are. In my workshops, and many others, you'd work with others in the class to develop a list of such traits. Then the instructor might help you understand how your list compares to the results of research studies.

Sometimes there's no alternative to some form of lecture to get information from the instructor's head to your own. When that's the case, ask how many concrete examples will be used. As human beings, we're wired to learn best from concrete examples.

Don't be shy about finding out in advance how instruction is handled. It can be the difference between a workshop that helps you develop and one that's a waste of time and money.

Follow-Up

A good program will provide you with something you can use after you get back to work. This is important because you'll never remember everything you learned at the training program.

There should be some kind of follow-up to help you apply what you've learned when you're back on the job and then improve your ability over time. That may involve evaluation by an expert or by your peers, or perhaps even your subordinates.

Reminders can be helpful, too. They can be as simple as an outline of what to do or a checklist. Or as elaborate as a series of computer-based job aids.

You can make up your own job aids to help you. Try putting key points or lists of the steps in a process on individual index cards and then carrying those cards with you. Making up the cards is a good review and the cards can be really helpful when you don't have your full notes handy.

Critique Your Own Performance

No matter how good the program is, it's up to you to do your own follow up and take charge of your own development. I suggest to trainees of mine that every time they apply what they've learned in the program, they answer the following questions in writing.

What was the situation? What did I do and why? How did I do it? What happened? How will I do things differently next time?

The "writing" doesn't have to be much, just enough to provide thought discipline. You'll be amazed at how much this simple practice can increase your learning.

Most leadership training will be more effective if you have a mentor or peer to discuss things with when you get back on the job. Plan to do that.

Well-chosen and effective leadership training can help you become the leader you want to be. Poorly chosen or ineffective training is a waste of time and money. It's your responsibility to choose the leadership training programs that meet your needs.

About the author :

Wally Bock helps organizations improve productivity and morale. He is the author of Performance Talk (http://www.performancetalk.com/). He writes the Three Star Leadership blog (http://blog.threestarleadership.com/), coaches individual managers, and is a popular speaker at meetings and conferences.

You Can Attain Business Success With Negotiating Skills

2007-04-15T00:36:00.000-07:00

Negotiating is the art of bargaining and coming up with an agreement between two or more individuals, groups, or organizations. It's importance in various areas such as business and commerce can never be overly emphasized. Negotiating is an essential skill needed to get what you want while fostering good relationships with the other negotiating party.

Not everybody can negotiate properly. In fact, this is what probably separates successful businesspersons from the not-so successful ones. In today's competitive world of business, the success of an individual or a group will lie heavily on negotiating skills.

Characteristics of a good negotiator:

He is a good communicator. Negotiating involves the act of communicating your needs and wants. Aside from the need to have open communication between parties involved, a good negotiator must be able to maximize the time spent with the other business partners by being able to communicate his ideas well. Misunderstanding among businesspersons and/or business groups may sometimes arise because of the inability to converse properly.

He is a good listener. The act of communicating ideas in a negotiation does not end with having to inform. Remember that communication is a two-way process and the recipient of the information communicated must be able to understand and interpret the data properly. In order to do so, he must have good listening skills to get the job done.

He is competent and knowledgeable. He follows the simple rule of "You cannot give what you do not have." You cannot negotiate on something that you don't know about. As a businessperson, he must have intensive knowledge and experience about the company, products and services, and projects that are being negotiated with other businesses. Moreover, he must also have a good idea of what the other party wants from the transaction and be able to balance his needs with their needs.

He is able to analyze situations. The art of negotiating is all about analyzing the offers made in a given transaction. In fact, before making an offer, it is a given that he has processed the results that he wants to incur from the business deal. Furthermore, the acceptance or disregard of a counter offer from the opposite side will need analytic skills from his end.

He can make bright decisions quickly. Time is money, and money is what constitutes a business. Thus, arriving at business deals at the least possible time with calculated risks is a vital factor in negotiating in trade.

The steps in negotiating:

1. Planning - involves data gathering and research. This is where the negotiator's knowledge on the deal will stem from.

2. Initiation - is the process of beginning a business deal. This step is concerned with the act of starting the communication between the parties involved.

3. Bartering - the act of making offers and counter offers. This involves analyzing the conditions of the deal.

4. Finalization - the art of closing a deal. Since there are transactions that will have to be settled at the actual place where the negotiating process is taking place, this is where the negotiator's ability to make quick calculated decisions will be used.

If you want to become a good negotiator, it is important for you to realize the steps in negotiating to assess yourself on which aspect you may need to improve. Also, recognizing these phases in the art of negotiating will allow you to strengthen your negotiating skills by being able to direct the flow of the deal. You'll find yourself calling the shots and not being misguided in any transaction.

About the author :

Abbas Abedi--Attain immediate stress relief and permanent stress management skills.Download my FREE stress management system, consisting of a 77 page ebook and 7 mp3s.Visit:Stress Management http://instantstressmanagement.com/

Three Essential Skills For Communication Success

2007-04-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

Communication is arguably the most important human skill there is. As human beings, all our interactions are based on some form of communication. Regardless of your age, your occupation or your social status, communication is vital not only for your survival, but also for your happiness and prosperity. There are some essential skills for communication success that we can all adopt to become more effective as human beings.

Whether is be in business, with your children or with your spouse, the essential skills for communication success will not only improve every aspect of your life, but will transform it. If you really think about it, all failure and unhappiness eventually boils down to poor communication. Poor business is the result of poor communication. Poor relationships are the result of poor communication. The challenge is that we never really get taught how to communicate properly. It's usually just something that we pick up along the way and we usually pick it up from people who are poor communicators to start with.

If you've ever had the privilege of meeting a great communicator you will know just how attractive they are. Great communicators are magnetic. They are charismatic and people feel a natural tendency to listen and respond to them. They are not only effective, but they are gracious and they really have the ability to influence other people - not in a deceptive kind of way, but in a highly respectful and trustworthy way. So, what are these essential skills for communication success? Well, there are many and most of them are not really what you think they are. These communication skills are not necessarily verbal skills, but rather skills of character. Here are three essential skills for communication success:

1. Creating Rapport Rapport is often misunderstood as a skill that some NLP specialist apply to get people to respond to them. The truth is that we all use the concept of Rapport all the time. Rapport is a state of responsiveness when two people 'click' on a subconscious level. When two people establish a subconscious connection there is something that goes to work underneath the surface of verbal communication and they feel a real connection towards each other. This happens all the time between people, although it is mostly unconscious. Dr. Milton Ericsson was one of the first to discover this remarkable phenomenon when he spent inordinate amounts of time observing human interaction. His discoveries were nothing short of remarkable and he managed to lay some ground rules for establishing rapport with people and he turned it into a science and something that you can do consciously. The ability to create rapport is not only the most important, but probably the most essential skills for communication success. Without rapport you simply won't get your message across to someone else.

2. Active Listening The ability to listen and absorb what someone else is communicating to you is just as important as what you communicate to them. Communication is always a two way process. People who are ineffective at communicating are mostly self absorbed and only interested in their own point of view and in their own opinions. The ability to listen is one of the essential skills for communication success as it will enable you to establish rapport and also to establish what's most important to the person (or people) you are communicating to. If you actively listen to other people you will be able to establish what their needs, wants and desires really are. Realize that 95% of the time people are absorbed in their own self interests, and we are constantly evaluating how things will impact and effect ourselves. Once again, this is an unconscious process. It's not selfish - it's just the way it is and it can be tied back to our self preservation. To be a highly effective communicator you have to learn how to suspend your self interest and really listen to others and their needs. This will empower you to truly respond to them and in return, you will get a real response from them.

3. The Power of Questions Having a conversation is based on the simple process of asking and answering questions. Talking usually occurs when there are no questions involved and without involvement there's no conversation. A very simple truth of human interaction is that until and unless we fee involved, we simply don't respond and questions are one of the most important 'tools' with which we establish people's needs and make them feel involved. The ability to ask effective questions is another critical and essential skills for communication success. Using questions is one of the most basic ways to establish a relationship with someone and when used effectively, you can instantly get through to people when you know what to ask them and how to ask it.

These three essential skills for communication success will greatly enhance your ability to get through to people and to influence them in a positive and constructive way. We all have the need to be heard at some level. Highly effective communicators have certain skills that enable them to be heard with effortless ease. You will often find that bad communicators have to scream, shout or use foul language to be heard. They are rarely effective and usually gain very little respect and response from the people they communicate with. You can become an effective communicator, regardless of your current level of skill or ability. It is something that you can learn and cultivate.

About the author :

By Deon Du Plessis Article by The Self Improvement-Gym.com Being a highly effective communicator is something you can learn. By adopting and internalizing some simple ideas you too can have communication success. Whether it be in your relationships, your business or even with yourself, communication is the key. For more information please visit http://www.selfimprovement-gym.com/public-speaking.html for more information.

Public Speaking Skills

2007-04-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

Speaking to others is a natural, human experience. When we speak to one another, or one person speaks to a group, what we are doing is really communicating. Communicating involves getting the point of the spoken idea across to your listeners so they understand your topic or subject matter. In the basic sense, communication is essential for survival, since we have to communicate properly to get the things we want and need in life. Therefore, good communication skills are necessary.

Today, there are many people that work in a public setting that involves communication among peers. Many employers like banks, schools, sales and marketing companies and the like may have certain requirements for you to be considered for employment. In an office setting that you may find at employers like these is an environment where humans are supposed to interact, relate and communicate with one another to complete a task or to convey an idea or a series of ideas.

This is where public speaking comes into play. Although you can take a speaking course in high school and college, public speaking skills are best developed by speaking to others at an office meeting or presentation where you, as the speaker, communicate your ideas to the extent your listeners understand them. More often than not however, is that most people feel uncomfortable speaking in front of 20 or so people. Some end up speaking with a lack of self-confidence, thus hindering the communication effectiveness and also how you are perceived professionally in the workplace environment.

So, how do you develop the skills required to speak publicly and to speak with confidence? It is a very important skill to have after all, since a good speech with effective communication delivered with confidence can carry the day. What follows are some tactics and techniques that you can employ to help optimize your public speaking and to hone your skills.

If you work at an employer or in an environment where you may have to give a speech or speak publicly, you should thoroughly research what you are going to be discussing. The research should be done at such a level, that when you have completed it, you know the subject matter backwards and forwards, inside and out. This will give you confidence when your speech is delivered. Writing your speech out on paper is good a good idea too as this helps you learn and memorize specific things you may want to point out when you deliver your speech.

It is also a good idea to do a dry run of your speech to family members or friends so that they can give you some constructive criticism for improvement. When they give you suggestions for improvement, implement them in your speech material if you think they are sound and will actually improve your speech. Ask your dry run listeners to ask questions about the subject you are presenting so you can get feedback on the level of confidence you have in your answers and explanations. Also, remember to present your dry run speech using the tools and resources you will have available when you deliver your actual speech.

If you are speaking to children make sure to work on the tone of your voice. Children are more likely to pay attention to your speech if you sound enthused and knowledgeable. Try to involve your young listeners in your speech by asking their opinions of things you are discussing with them. When speaking to children or teens, make sure you dress casually and make your eye contact to show your interest in how they think and feel about your subject. It is also a good idea to make small jokes to fill a pause or to break your speech up a little. This also shows them that you are relaxed and comfortable speaking to them.

Public speaking is a very important skill you must have to achieve your goals, especially in a working environment that caters to well developed communication skills. It is necessary for survival in obtaining employment, encouraging others and social interaction and development. Public speaking is best perfected with practice and as you get better, your peers will motivate you to even higher levels of achievement.

About the author :

By Elmer Fizz For a Free Weekly Newsletter on Public Speaking please visit: http://www.elmerfizz.com/PUBLIC_SPEAKING_NEWS.html This article may be reprinted on a website or blog if all content remains unchanged and links remain active.

Feel Success, Live Success, Have Success

2007-04-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

You can start right now and be successful? When you try to focus on the positive things in life you start to see more positive things. You need feeling, believing and positively and successfully, start reading books about positive thinking and being successful. Everyday you need to think and act successful, by doing this you will feel and become successful.

Remind yourself that you are close to starting everything from the beginning again. Get yourself a hobby anything that takes your mind off the world for a while will help increase your love of life and help you relax, eliminate stress, and enjoy peace. Without pushing yourself you will never become successful or have the ability to become successful.

Keep your plan with you at all times and read it aloud to yourself several times during the day. By allowing yourself the time, and I'm talking about just a few minutes here, to stop, breathe deeply and relax effectively, you can soon reap the rewards. To become successful you need to place your mind in state of happiness and positive thinking, by doing this you attract positive people and by attracting positive people you will attract successful people who will help with your success.

Here is your key to success. Passion is the key to meaningful achievement in any calling.

To answer this riddle, first you have to separate the behavior from the positive intention of the behavior. If we have a thought or we are depressed and we don't like this we can easily get rid of this negativity or negative thought by thinking of a positive thought, by feeling the positive thought with our emotions we are able to switch the universe to switch to the more positive thought and the outcome is more acceptable to you. If you change your behavior and your purposes, your life position is not as it used to be any more.

Any formula based on behavior patterns has a good chance of being successful.

It's important to commit your goals to paper, so write them down and display your goals where you will see them each day. Break down larger long-term goals into monthly or weekly goals so you can stay on track without feeling overwhelmed. Writing your goals will effectively enable you to put them into action.

What is it that's in it for you that will drive you to pursue the goals that you have defined. Be very specific about your goals. Only when there is a specific goal can you develop an effective strategy.

Einstein says that "imagination is the glimpse into the future" Every human who imagined and dreamed was able to bring this dream into reality by believing that it was real already. When you believe the universe has the ability to understand that this is not a dream but reality and the universe realigns to make it happen.

About the author :

David Marc Fishman is the owner of success site. Ask an expert via video. Try out the new online auctions website. http://www.priceriot.com/

10 questions you should ask to yourself: a preparation to self-improvement

2007-04-15T00:22:00.000-07:00

Some times, when you want to succeed in something you need to prepare yourself mentally. In the meanwhile that you program your mind to reach the goals that you want to reach, and you focus on them, there will be nothing that can stop you.

This article is focused to help you program your mind to be focused in succeed in your Home Based Business.

Be all you can be, but it's not always in the Army. I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, but of course it's hard to think of anything else when where are real issues to be discussed.

Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.

So we're all pelted with problems. Honestly it shouldn't even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks... or can they?

1. What do I really want? The question of the ages. So many things you want to do with your life and so little time to even go about during the day.

Find something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards improvement. Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.

2. Should I really change? Today's generation has taken another level of redefining 'self', or at least that's what the kids are saying. Having an army of teenage nieces and nephews has taught me that there are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity. So how does that fit into your lifestyle?

If history has taught us one thing, it's the life that we have gone through. Try to see if partying Seventies style wouldn't appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying. Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.

3. What's the bright side in all of this? With so much is happening around us there seem to be no room for even considering that light at the end of the tunnel. We can still see it as something positive without undergoing so much scrutiny. And if it's a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!

4. Am I comfortable with what I'm doing? There's always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. It doesn't take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we'll all be equally the same in everything we do. Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.

5. Have I done enough for myself? Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect can be dangerous in large doses, but in small amounts you'll be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.

6. Am I happy at where I am today? It's an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever. The same goes with everyday life!

7. Am I appealing to the opposite sex? So maybe I don't have an answer to that, but that doesn't mean I can't try it, though. Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.

8. How much could I have? I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it's more on how badly you really need it. I'd like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?

9. What motivates me? What motivates you? It's an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part. It's not like you can't have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that's it. Just try it piece by piece.

10. What Really Makes You Tick? So? What really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey. Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it's something that you really want.

About the author :

The author is an Internet Business Entrepreneur since 2002. With the years of experience and research about the Home Business theme, he become to start sharing his knowledge in order to help other people to succeed in their Home Based Business Projects. Copyright (c) Ferdinand Martinez http://www.HomeBiz-Resources.com

Having True Self-Confidence

2007-04-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

Developing self confidence is necessary if you want to easily achieve your goals. The less self confidence you have, the harder the journey to get from where you are to where you want to be. In fact, without it, you may lack the ability to dream of better things. Without a vision, a big dream, you will remain stuck.

If it's so important to your personal success, how do you go about developing self confidence? Self confidence is an inside job and it cannot be built without dealing with your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and values. What's holding you back in life? What are you thinking, and consequently doing, that is limiting your achievement? This is an important focus because lack of self confidence can become a vicious cycle that becomes entrenched in our lives. The less confident we are, the fewer risks we will take and the less effort we will put into those things that we do attempt. This approach is not conducive to success. When we fail to achieve, our self confidence takes another hit, and so the cycle continues.

There are three important keys to developing self confidence:

1.YOUR INNER WORLD. You are the captain of your ship. You are the only thinker in your mind; the only interpreter of the world around you. Your habitual thoughts, underlying beliefs, and overall values will either empower you or disempower you. They are, therefore, essential to the process of developing self confidence. You need to take some time to evaluate your beliefs about money, relationships and what you are entitled to in the world. You also need to pay attention to your self talk. If you don't have self confidence, negative self talk is likely to be a problem. Don't fight it, just become aware of it. You'll probably be shocked at how you're treating yourself. These thoughts will reveal your limiting beliefs. Once you've identified them, you can begin to change them. If you can change your beliefs, you can change your world.

2.TAKE ACTION. Self confidence arises directly out of your feelings of competence. The more our lives feel out of control, the lower our self confidence is likely to be. We grow in self confidence when we feel in control. We need to give ourselves many opportunities to feel confident and 'in control' of our lives. We do this by setting achievable goals and taking action to achieve them. We need the wins in life to feel self confident, so we have to give ourselves the opportunity to have them. Taking consistent, focused, right action to achieve a well thought out, truly desired goal is vital for developing self confidence.

3.CONGRATULATE YOURSELF. If you don't acknowledge yourself and give yourself credit when you've achieved a goal, you are devaluing your achievement and denying yourself the victory. It's like you haven't had the success in the first place. Giving yourself credit for a job well done is necessary for developing self confidence.

There are many excellent books that teach time-honored success principles including methods of developing self confidence. "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen is a classic that highlights the power of our thought to create our world. "The Science of Getting Rich" by Wallace Wattles is another self improvement classic that will help you become the best person you can be. There are many resources available on your pathway to developing self confidence; you don't have to struggle on your own.

About the author :

Sam Bowen offers success centred audio books to those who desire wealth, health and happiness. One of his websites: Total Life Transformation is a prime example of the kind of quality information packages he provides. His vehicle of choice for fast wealth creation is Direct Matches, The Free Business to Business Matchup Service.
http://www.totallifetransformation.com/

Soft-Set Goals for the Hard-Pressed Achiever

2007-04-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

If the idea of sitting down to write out a structured plan of action that demands you perform x number of actions according to a timetable of deadlines sounds like Stress City for you, you're not alone. Springing from an industrial-age, assembly-line mode of thought, traditional goal-setting doesn't capture the organic flow of the way we actually live.

The reason why goal-setting programs persist in popularity is that they promise to help you find the time and means to achieve the things you want to achieve. But the truth is that, while they look good on paper, in real life few of us are geared to follow the rigid, mechanically structured paths they describe.

Sadly, what often happens is that because people can't fit their lives into the rigors of the programs, they give up on the goals themselves. But it doesn't have to be that way. The key is to entertain your goals in a more fluid, natural manner.

If you analyze goal-setting programs, you find the primary benefits they provide are threefold: 1) They lead you to define what you want to achieve; 2) They give you some means of keeping your goal in the forefront of your mind; and 3) They stimulate consistent action in the direction of your goal.

You can take advantage of these benefits in a way that fits your schedule and lifestyle with one little easily remembered technique. Begin by deciding what you want to achieve and then identifying as clearly as you can why you want it. Once you have done that, all you need to do is learn to ask yourself several times throughout your day, "What do I want? Why do I want it? What can I do right now?"

Repeat those three questions as a little chant to yourself and you will discover they hold a surprising power. Your mind cannot help but come up with answers; it's just the way minds work.

Try repeating them as you do mundane tasks that don't require any concentration, such as routine housework, shaving, walking, or driving. Because you have already answered the first two questions in the phrase--what you want and why you want it--your mind will simply remember your goal and motivation, strengthening your awareness of them. Then it will go on an expedition to come up with answers for the final question in the set and ideas about what you can do will begin flowing into your awareness.

As soon as you can, implement those ideas. Not only is action towards your desired outcome the whole point, but putting the ideas to work reinforces your subconscious to seek more responses for you. It will even take note of which ideas you choose to act on and increasingly generate ones that are in harmony with your purpose and style.

Instead of struggling to fit your life and dreams into a rigid, mechanized system, let this flexible, self-paced technique work for you. What is it you really want, after all, if not a workable way to move toward your dreams? Why? Because you deserve to live the life of your choosing! And how can you do that in a way that fits your personal set of circumstances?

You can do it by putting the soft-set technique into play in your life today. All it takes is asking three questions: What do I want? Why do I want it? What can I do right now?

About the author :

Susan K. Minarik is the author of Winning the Tomorrow Game: How to Discover and Create the Life of Your Dreams. Get a subscription to The Magical Mirror newsletter with enrollment in her free e-course, Live Your Dreams Click the link, or visit Susan's website, The Tomorrow Game http://www.thetomorrowgame.com/

Daily Motivation: What is Your Source?

2007-04-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we feel more motivated than at other times. Our sense of inspiration and energy can be affected - if we let it - by many factors, such as the people around us, whether we eat well and/or exercise, as well as circumstances and events that occur in our lives.

However, did you know that this is not necessary and instead you could be constantly in creation mode rather than reaction mode?

We have all heard that our thoughts create our circumstances, and that 'no one can hurt us without our permission', but do you really believe this? Do you place any blame on people and things around you for what you are feeling and what you are - or are not - accomplishing?

Taking responsibility for our entire world is how we can break free of this trap, and begin consciously using the 'magic' of creation. It's an entirely different way of living.

What does this have to do with motivation?

It's all connected. When we abdicate responsibility by blaming others for the 'bad' things that happen, or for 'making us' feel bad in some way, we are giving away our power. When we decide that WE are responsible, we take that power back; the power to choose our responses and our thoughts; the power to change. With this power comes an enormous amount of motivation. This type of motivation can only be found within; it is a result of holding our power firmly where it belongs.

In this way, we remind ourselves that we are in control of how we respond to any given set of inputs, and we can make these choices even more easily by deciding ahead of time what is important to us, and how we wish to BE. For example, rather than reacting every time someone says something that would normally trigger anger in us, let's say we decided in a session of deep contemplation and goal-setting that we intend to remain calm and reasonable in all circumstances, and to wait at least 60 seconds before speaking when provoked or annoyed. Would we not therefore stand a much higher chance of behaving in ways - making choices - that serve our higher goals and visions of ourselves? Would it also not stand to reason that the outcome of such situations could be drastically different - and more positive - than when we are living in reaction mode?

Our motivation comes from within, and is fired by the exciting knowledge that we can control our destiny...the unexpected will come our way, but when we control our reactions based on pre-determined goals and decisions, our lives open up to unlimited possibilities, and are no longer at the whim of external forces.

This is excerpted from the Breathing Prosperity blog, and can also be found, along with many other motivational articles, at Daily Motivation.

About the author :

Shauna Arthurs is a writer/editor, business consultant and Owner/Co-founder of a network of web-based businesses, including Breathing Prosperity and Daily Motivation.
http://www.dailymotivation.info/

Mental Health Maintenance Is Made Simple

2007-04-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

Your mental health is often drastically improved when you use the techniques Dr. Kuhn teaches in this article. When you are able to experience this improvement, your relationships blossom, career paths open, and people find you attractive and accessible. You deserve to have fun and joy in your life - and Cliff Kuhn, M.D. will help you do that.

In the classic Frank Capra film, It's a Wonderful Life, George Bailey's mental health is overwhelmed by the difficulties of his life and he wishes he'd never been born. George's guardian angel grants his wish and takes him to a grim reality as it would've been without him. George feels nothing when he reaches into his coat pocket to retrieve the flower his daughter, Zuzu, placed there - and that's when George knows that his wish has come true...he's never been born.

Wishing she had never been born, Roberta became my patient, seeking desperately to improve her mental health. Like the fictional George Bailey character, Roberta's depression and anxiety had grown so strong as to threaten her ability to lead any semblance of a normal life. Fortunately for Roberta, she soon discovered exactly why the natural medicine of humor is one of the most powerful adjunctive treatments for improving mental health, because humor literally pours water on the fire of depression and anxiety.

Roberta is not alone. As many as 35% of all Americans suffer from depression and anxiety, the twins that make mental health elusive for millions. Your depression and anxiety is exacerbated by your seriousness - taking yourself too seriously. As we move into adulthood, we unfortunately buy into the notion that responsible and productive people must be "serious." As we make the biggest mistake of our lives and relegate our humor nature and fun to recreational activities (if we experience fun at all), we doom ourselves to all the symptoms of the corresponding seriousness that fills the void - declining health, rising stress, increased pain, lessened energy, impaired creativity, and more.

The good news for your mental health, however, is that we know how to shrink your deadly seriousness to practically nothing and reduce almost completely the sway it holds over your health, vitality, wellness, and zest. The natural medicine of humor is an incredibly powerful resource that you already possess; you've only forgotten how to use it to maximum effectiveness. You will soon discover that, while not a panacea, the natural medicine of humor is a tremendous tonic for depression or anxiety and will also supercharge other treatments because it is an amazing adjunctive medicine too!

I have distilled the natural medicine of humor, through my years of medical practice, into an amazing prescription I call The Fun Factor. Based on what I learned over twenty years ago from a terminally ill fifteen-year-old patient, I created a unique set of principles I call the Fun Commandments, then forged these Commandments into my Fun Factor prescription and have been prescribing The Fun Factor with great success for years. This report will show you how to use just three of my Fun Commandments to turn your mental health around, and gain new joy, pleasure, and appreciation from your life!

Improve Your Mental Health Using My Fun Factor Prescription

Step One: Always Go the Extra Smile

The first Fun Commandment I recommend for improved mental health is: Always Go the Extra Smile. This Commandment is doubly helpfully for depression and anxiety because not only does it provide measurable emotional and physical relief, but it also is completely under your control - regardless of your circumstances. Because smiling remains totally under your control, it can be your greatest resource for using humor's natural medicine to accelerate your mental health.

Smiling produces measurable physical benefits you can experience immediately: your stress decreases, your immunity improves, your pain and frustration tolerances increase, and your creativity soars. And guess what? You experience all these benefits even if your smile is "fake." That's right...forcing a smile onto your face perks up your immune system and lightens your mood just as readily as a genuine smile. Fake a smile and you'll soon feel well enough to wear a real one!

This is great news for your proactive stance on sustainable mental health. You have an amazing amount of pre-emptive control over your mood - you can, literally, choose more energy and happiness. The key for your use of this Fun Commandment in enhancing your mental health is to start practicing right now, so that smiling becomes an entrenched, habitual method of accessing the natural medicine of humor. If you wait to smile until your mental health has taken a turn for the worse, and depression or anxiety has taken hold of you, it will not be as effective.

Step Two: Act and Interact

Smiling leads us right into the second Fun Commandment you'll find instrumental in maintaining your mental health: Act and Interact. Humor's natural medicine works best when we are sharing ourselves and this Commandment will teach you how to capitalize on the control you've taken over your physiology and mood by smiling. Acting and interacting is now easier for you to do because you're smiling more. Not only is your mood improved, but your smile is also a pleasant invitation to other people.

My suggestion is that you solidify the power of this Commandment by setting a reasonable goal regarding the number of people you will interact with each day. These social interactions are great for your mental health, forcing you to exchange information and ideas with another person. Combined with your commitment to smiling, your interactions should be pleasant, because your heightened energy, lessened pain, and lowered stress levels are very attractive to others.

Beyond keeping you out of isolation, there is another reason why acting and interacting with the people you encounter fosters improved mental health. It allows you to avoid spiritual "flat tires." Spiritual flat tires occur when you sidestep, or avoid, an interaction that is about to happen naturally - you duck into an office to avoid encountering someone in a hallway or you don't answer the phone because you don't want to talk to the person calling. This type of avoidance drains and deletes your reservoir of powerful natural energy and siphons your mental health reserves.

Have you ever noticed that it usually takes you twice as much mental and physical energy to avoid doing a job than you would have expended just doing it? It also takes twice the energy to avoid acting and interacting with the people who cross your path because you are, in effect, saying, "I'm going to correct the mistake that nature made by putting this person in my path and I'm going to correct it by being mentally and spiritually negligent." Mental and spiritual negligence have the same effect as physical negligence (isn't it strange how you get tired if you don't exercise?). If your mental health can afford to allow this much energy to be drained, then you have a much bigger reservoir than I!

But spiritual flat tires do more than drain our energy, they are detrimental in at least two additional ways:

We miss out on an interaction with a teacher. If nature didn't have a lesson for you, that person you just avoided would not have been placed in your path. You say that the person you just avoided was a negative influence or would've wasted your time? I know we have legitimate schedules to keep, but if I am avoiding people based on my prejudgment of them, I'm cutting myself off from my greatest teachers - those very same people. We all learn tolerance from the intolerant, patience from the impatient, temperance from the intemperate, gentleness from the ruffian, etc. I am supremely grateful for those teachers and the lessons they give me.

We create a small, nagging spiritual void of dishonesty, the kind of dishonesty that keeps us from laying our heads down with complete peace of mind each night. Our spiritual flat tire is caused by the pothole our avoidance created; it is a natural consequence, or symptom, of our spiritual dishonesty. These consequences clutter our lives with mental and emotional baggage that further drains us of our energy and vitality.

Step Three: Celebrate Everything

The third Fun Commandment which will help you use the natural medicine of humor to charge up your mental health is: Celebrate Everything. Celebrating everything may sound like a monumental task to someone who's mental health isn't up to par, but you will find this part of my doctor's orders much easier to fulfill once you start practicing my first two Commandments. In fact, celebrating everything is more than a maintenance step providing sustainable mental health. It will also become your lifestyle, the more you practice it, because you will enjoy the results so much.

How do you celebrate everything and how will this keep your mental health on the upswing? The epitome of this Commandment is found in the old joke about the boy who wanted a pony for his birthday. Instead, he found a room full of manure waiting for him. But he dove right into the dung, gleefully exclaiming, "With all this manure, there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Laugh as we might, we're quick to remember that, as adults, we would never allow ourselves such "naive" enthusiasm. Why not? Do you realize what is behind such a "grown up," "mature" decision? Your deadly seriousness (taking yourself too seriously) encourages the attitude that a mature adult should not let herself be so optimistic and thus mental health is jeopardized.

We could do more than chuckle at this birthday boy's unabashed optimism - we should emulate it! When was the last time you encountered an unexpected pile of manure in your life? You had absolutely no control over the mess, right? But you had absolute control over your reaction to it and this is the key to using celebration to keep your mental health improved!

When you celebrate everything, the natural medicine of humor creates spiritual, emotional, and mental health like nothing you've felt before. You will find that your fears become much less controlling when you are celebrating everything because it no longer matters so much how things turn out. In fact, you are literally ready for anything because you are prepared to find the blessing in whatever happens.

My daughter-in-law, for example, broke her back last year. My son, who is often my model for the embodiment of my Fun Commandments, can tick off a laundry list of blessings his family has received as a direct result of his wife's "tragedy." Not that his mental health hasn't been challenged, but faced with the choice of depression and anxiety over an event he couldn't control versus finding the blessings waiting for him, he has chosen the latter.

The choice to celebrate everything is not a panacea; my son's choice did not change the reality of his wife's injury. What did change, however, was his ability to respond to the injury and, thus, keep his mental health on an even keel. Celebrating everything changes our lives because it allows us to positively control the only things we have control over - our actions, ideas, and attitudes.

There you have it. Start by going the extra smile, use your newfound smiling energy and vitality to act and interact with people, and celebrate everything to maintain your positive momentum. Say good-bye to imprisonment from depression and anxiety and welcome to your new world of improved mental health! Start Using The Fun Factor to Improve Your Mental Health...Right Now

Here are some simple, easy steps you can take right now to turbo-charge your mental health.

Subscribe to my Fun Times newsletter. The Fun Times is all about using your natural power of humor to increase the quality of your life - including your mental health. The Fun Times is 100% free, and is delivered instantly, every week, to your email inbox. If you sign up now, I'll also throw in a copy of my "Stop Your Seriousness" Ecourse and my book, Ten Ways You Can Be Happier...Right Now! which will show you how you can use my Fun Factor prescription in your life to increase your mental health!

Check out The Fun Factor. This prescription has changed so many lives for the better - it would be a shame if you passed it up. Check it out here if you're sick of wishing for mental health and want to finally achieve your greatest mental health! My patient Roberta, by the way, learned to use these three Fun Commandments - and the rest of my Fun Factor prescription. She has enjoyed the same job for three years now and was recently engaged to be married. Roberta occasionally has setbacks, as most people suffering from depression or anxiety do. But, her mental health has never been stronger as she continues to apply The Fun Factor to her life.

In It's a Wonderful Life, George Bailey is so shocked by the grim vision of a world without him that he decides he wants to live again and begs to return. He knows he is back when he finds Zuzu's flower petals in his coat pocket again.

Let this article be like finding Zuzu's petals. Move forward today with a new, positive outlook on your improved mental health by using my Fun Factor prescription.

About the author :

Clifford Kuhn, M.D., America's Laugh Doctor, teaches people and organizations to be more healthy and successful through the use of fun and humor. A psychiatrist, and the former associate chairperson of the University of Louisville's renowned Department of Psychiatry, Dr. Kuhn now dispenses his prescription for turbo-charging your health, success, and vitality from http://www.natural-humor-medicine.com/EZA3 On his website you will find tons of fun, free ways for you to maximize your sense of humor, and enjoy a life others will envy.

Stress Management Technique

2007-04-13T03:56:00.000-07:00

Most people complain about being stressed out. But in a hectic modern world of today, who wouldn't Stress is considered as any emotional, physical, or chemical factor that becomes the root of mental unrest, and may be an aspect in disease causation.

A lot of people associate "stress" with mental or psychological stress; however, physicians and scientists use the term "stress" to indicate any force that damages the balance and stability of the body's functions.

People have to understand though, that even if stress disrupts the function and balance of the body, not all stress is bad. A mild level of tension and stress may sometimes even be beneficial; as in the case of feeling slightly stressed with work projects, which can compel an individual to focus better, work energetically, and perform a good job.

The same goes with exercise it produces temporary stress on a few bodily functions, yet has indisputable benefits to health. It is only during overwhelming stress, or poorly managed stress, that the effects become negative. In these cases, a vital goal would be appropriate stress management techniques.

Generally, stress is connected to both internal and external factors. Internal for the way the body responds to and deals with external-inducing factors job, physical environment, relationships, home, and situations. Stress management therefore, can involve doing some changes in external factors that confront a person, or internal factors that strengthen the ability to deal with things that come their way. Here are some effective stress management techniques:

Exercise This stress management technique promotes one's overall fitness, at the same time as helping manage tension and emotional stress it temporarily diverts one from a stressful situation, and being healthy and fit increases one's ability to handle stress.

Relaxation and Meditation There are so many ways of relaxation and meditation; some can be learned in class, while others on one's own. This stress management technique helps improve one's mental and physical well-being and control stress.

Time Management Having a good time schedule is an effective technique to take off critical stress especially with doing the tasks one needs to get done in a day. Making sure that one does away with over scheduling helps a lot in not being "stressed out" with unmet commitments.

Organizational skills A well-organized physical surrounding eliminates being confronted with stressful situations of misplaced objects.

Support Systems Developing and cultivating a strong social support network -such as friends, loved ones, neighbors, business associates, and even pets- is healthy for the mind and body.

Stress is a fact of life for a lot of people, it may come in different ways or forms, but the importance of not letting it get the better of you, can be a life saver. Effective stress management techniques will help one to efficiently cope with stress; remember that early management of stress, means eliminating the potentials of health problems.

About the author :

By Rene Graeber If you want to get more information about personality and emotion please visit my website at: http://www.personality.improvementtower.com/

Signs of Depression - How To Recognise Them

2007-04-13T03:53:00.000-07:00

It is perfectly naturally for anyone to feel low or blue from time to time during their life.

But what if you have been feeling down and generally out of sorts for a while now? If this is the case then it is quite possible that you may be thinking you are suffering with depression. Below are some signs of depression, of course what you are experiencing may not fit the signs of depression below. If you are feeling so down that you feel you need to do something to help yourself then it is incredibly important that you really should seek help.

Most of the time the signs of depression are very varied and due to this fact, it may be very hard to pinpoint just one of the signs and diagnose the problem straight away.

This is a list of the most common signs of depression that where reported by those patients that where diagnosed with clinical depression.

* Fatigue, feeling exhausted and drained all the time, even when you have just woken from a long sleep

* A sleep pattern that is disrupted, in some instances caused by disturbing dreams

* Waking up too early and then having difficulty getting back to sleep

* Lessening interest in activities normally found to be very enjoyable

* A Problem concentrating, in particular during the day

* An improvement in energy as the day progresses

* Anxiousness, worrying and invasive thoughts

* Being upset emotionally without any specific reason

* Having a short fuse and irritability

When you are assessing yourself and trying to see the signs of depression above, then it is important to take into account the fact that not everybody may experience all of these symptoms and some could show different signs of depression. If however you can recognize some of these symptoms in yourself then it is possible that you are depressed.

When you diagnose depression, it is the separate signs of the condition that is what you are feeling that are the important factors. Psychiatrists will only use the signs of depression above as the more common things to seek, but at the end of the day, what is most important is how you feel. It can be very easy to understand the reason why there is so much confusion when it comes to diagnosing depression as the signs that are being looked for a usually common emotions and feelings.

Health practitioners are the only people that are truly qualified to diagnose depression. The tests that are used are varied, but all of them have a similar structure. For example, an individual can be diagnosed with clinical depression if they suffer from five or more signs of depression shown above during a 2 week period.

Signs of depression may also show themselves physically in ways, for example:

* A notable loss of weight when not dieting

* Or weight gain (more than 5% increase in body weight in a month)

* Or an increase/decreased in appetite almost every day

* Extreme tiredness almost every day

Not only are the signs of depression determined, but the following factors are also used for diagnosing the condition:

* Important areas of functioning such as occupation and social are caused significant distress or impairment.

* That the direct physiological effects of a medical condition or substance are not the root cause.

About the author :

By Henry Anderson http://www.clinical-depression-treatment.com is you free resource for depression and depression related information.

Anxiety disorder

2007-04-13T03:47:00.000-07:00

Anxiety disorder is a blanket term covering several different forms of abnormal, pathological anxiety, fears, phobias and nervous conditions that may come on suddenly or gradually over a period of several years, and may impair or prevent the pursuing of normal daily routines.

Anxiety and fear are ubiquitous emotions. The terms anxiety and fear have specific scientific meanings, but common usage has made them interchangeable. For example, a phobia is a kind of anxiety that is also defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition (DSM-IV-TR) as a "persistent or irrational fear." Fear is defined as an emotional and physiological response to a recognized external threat (eg, a runaway car or an impending crash in an airplane). Anxiety is an unpleasant emotional state, the sources of which are less readily identified.

It is frequently accompanied by physiological symptoms that may lead to fatigue or even exhaustion. Because fear of recognized threats causes similar unpleasant mental and physical changes, patients use the terms fear and anxiety interchangeably. Thus, there is little need to strive to differentiate anxiety from fear. However, distinguishing among different anxiety disorders is important, since accurate diagnosis is more likely to result in effective treatment and a better prognosis.

* 1 Diagnosis * 2 Types o 2.1 Generalized anxiety disorder o 2.2 Panic disorder o 2.3 Agoraphobia o 2.4 Phobias o 2.5 Social anxiety disorder o 2.6 Obsessive-compulsive disorder o 2.7 Post-traumatic stress disorder * 3 Treatment * 4 The cost of anxiety disorders * 5 Sources o 5.1 Footnotes o 5.2 References * 6 See also * 7 External links

Diagnosis

Anxiety disorders are often debilitating chronic conditions, which can be present from an early age or begin suddenly after a triggering event. They are prone to flare up at times of high stress. A good assessment is essential for the initial diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, preferably using a standardized interview or questionnaire procedure alongside expert evaluation and the views of the persons themselves.

There should be a medical examination in order to identify possible medical conditions that can cause the symptoms of anxiety. A family history of anxiety disorders is suggestive of the possibility of an anxiety disorder. Although rare, it is important to exclude a pheochromocytoma. This normally presents with paroxysms of headache, sweating and palpitations, accompanied by hypertension. In the absence of these four symptoms, it may be excluded.Emedicine article

It is important to note that Clinical Depression generally presents alongside Anxiety Disorders, and vise-versa. Rarely does a patient present symptoms of only one or the other.

Types

Generalized anxiety disorder

Main article: General anxiety disorder

Generalized anxiety disorder is a common chronic disorder that affects twice as many women as men and can lead to considerable impairment (Brawman-Mintzer & Lydiard, 1996, 1997). As the name implies, generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by long-lasting anxiety that is not focused on any particular object or situation. In other words it is unspecific or free-floating. People with this disorder feel afraid of something but are unable to articulate the specific fear. They fret constantly and have a hard time controlling their worries. Because of persistent muscle tension and autonomic fear reactions, they may develop headaches, heart palpitations, dizziness, and insomnia. These physical complaints, combined with the intense, long-term anxiety, make it difficult to cope with normal daily activities.

Panic disorder

Main article: Panic disorder

In panic disorder, a person suffers brief attacks of intense terror and apprehension that cause trembling and shaking, dizziness, and difficulty breathing. One who is often plagued by sudden bouts of intense anxiety might be said to be afflicted by this disorder. The American Psychiatric Association (2000) defines a panic attack as fear or discomfort that arises abruptly and peaks in 10 minutes or less.

Although panic attacks sometimes seem to occur out of nowhere, they generally happen after frightening experiences, prolonged stress, or even exercise. Many people who have panic attacks (especially their first one) think they are having a heart attack and often end up at the doctor or emergency department (or emergency room). Even if the tests all come back normal the person will still worry, with the physical manifestations of anxiety only reinforcing their fear that something is wrong with their body.

Heightened awareness (hypervigilance) of any change in the normal function of the human body, will be noticed and interpreted as a possible life threatening illness by an individual suffering from panic attacks. Normal changes in heartbeat, such as when climbing a flight of stairs will be noticed by a panic sufferer and lead them to think something is wrong with their heart or they are about to have another panic attack. Some begin to worry excessively and even quit jobs or refuse to leave home to avoid future attacks. Panic disorder can be diagnosed when several apparently spontaneous attacks lead to a persistent concern about future attacks.

Agoraphobia

Main article: Agoraphobia

A common complication of panic disorder is agoraphobia -- anxiety about being in a place or situation where escape is difficult or embarrassing (Craske, 2000; Gorman, 2000).

Phobias

Main article: Phobia

This category involves a strong, irrational fear and avoidance of an object or situation. The person knows the fear is irrational, yet the anxiety remains. Phobic disorders differ from generalized anxiety disorders and panic disorders because there is a specific stimulus or situation that elicits a strong fear response. A person suffering from a phobia of spiders might feel so frightened by a spider that he or she would try to jump out of a speeding car to get away from one.

People with phobias have especially powerful imaginations, so they vividly anticipate terrifying consequences from encountering such feared objects as knives, bridges, blood, enclosed places, certain animals or situations. These individuals generally recognize that their fears are excessive and unreasonable but are generally unable to control their anxiety.

Social anxiety disorder

Main article: Social Anxiety Disorder

Social anxiety disorder is also known as social phobia. Individuals with this disorder experience intense fear of being negatively evaluated by others or of being publicly embarrassed because of impulsive acts. Almost everyone experiences "stage fright" when speaking or performing in front of a group. But people with social phobias become so anxious that performance, if they are not natural performers, such as children playing musical instruments from a young age, is out of the question. In fact, their fear of public scrutiny and potential humiliaton becomes so pervasive that normal life can become impossible (den Boer 2000; Margolis & Swartz, 2001). Another social phobia is love-shyness, which most adversely affects certain men. Those afflicted find themselves unable to initiate intimate adult relationships (Gilmartin 1987).

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Main article: Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Obsessive compulsive disorder is a type of anxiety disorder primarily characterized by obsessions and/or compulsions. Obsessions are distressing, repetitive, intrusive thoughts or images that the individual often realizes are senseless. Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that the person feels forced or compelled into doing, in order to relieve anxiety. The OCD thought pattern may be likened to superstitions: if X is done, Y won't happen--in spite of how unlikely it may be that doing X will actually prevent Y, if Y is even a real threat to begin with. A common example of this behavior would be obsessing that one's door is unlocked, which may lead to compulsive constant checking and rechecking of doors. Often the process seems much less logical. For example, the compulsion of walking in a certain pattern may be employed to alleviate the obsession that something bad is about to happen. Also with lights and certain other objects around the house hold that are easily able to obsess over. Post-traumatic stress disorder

Main article: Post-traumatic stress disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder which results from a traumatic experience, such as being involved in battle, rape, being taken hostage, or being involved in a serious accident. The sufferer may experience flashbacks, avoidant behavior, and other symptoms.

Treatment

The choices in treatment include behavioral therapy, lifestyle changes and/or pharmaceutical therapy (medications).

Sometimes a change in lifestyle is all that a person needs to treat their anxiety. With most, however, getting relief can be far more complex. There is some controversy over how to treat anxiety disorders. Mainstream treatment for anxiety consists of the prescription of anxiolytic agents and/or antidepressants and/or referral to a cognitive-behavioral therapist. Treatment controversy arises because, while some studies indicate that a combination of the medications and behavioral therapy can be more effective than either one alone, other studies have shown that the majority of anxiety disorder sufferers benefit most from pharmaceutical therapy (and not so much from behavioral therapy).

The right treatment may depend very much on the individual, their genetics and their environmental factors. Therefore, to get the best treatment results, it is very important to work closely with a psychiatrist, therapist or counselor who is extremely familiar with anxiety disorders and current treatments.

A number of drugs can be used to treat these disorders. These include benzodiazepines (such as xanax) and antidepressants of most of the main classes (SSRI, TCAs, MAOIs), and possibly Quetiapine. Xanax is often not prescribed anymore because too many individuals develop addiction problems with the medication.

The cost of anxiety disorders

The cost of anxiety disorders in the U.S. have been estimated to be between US$42 and US$47 billion per year. This number is about as high as the estimates of the cost of depression (from US$44 to US$53 billion). It includes direct psychiatric treatment as well as unnecessary treatment cost, work performance costs in terms of sickness leave and workcutback days, mortality costs (calculated as lost earnings potential). The true societal costs are much larger: long-term opportunity costs (like unemployment and underemployment)) and costs associated with comorbidity are not included in the above estimate. The opportunity costs alone are likely to exceed US$ 2,000 per year per patient. This would be US$ 100 billion per year for the total U.S. population.

About the author :

Listen to Arthur Buchanan on the Mike Litman Show!

http://freesuccessaudios.com/Artlive.mp3 THIS LINK WORKS, LISTEN TODAY!

With Much Love,

Arthur Buchanan

President/CEO

Out of Darkness & Into the Light 209 Ellis Ave. Suite 1313 Bellevue Ohio, 44811

567-214-1133 (home)

www.adhdandme.com www.out-of-darkness.com www.biologicalhappiness.com www.mentalillnessandme.com www.everyonehurts.com www.arthurbuchanan.com

Are you angry? GOOD!

2007-04-13T03:45:00.000-07:00

What's missing with "anger management," "anger control," and "dealing with anger?" Why not use these anger management techniques if you're angry? They miss the upside of anger: how to use your anger to create the life you truly want. No, is not about becoming that "angry man" or "angry woman" who scares people into submission. Here you'll find something much more enjoyable: the secrets for getting to the heart of anger and a simple process for using your anger to create a truly satisfying life.

Do you ever feel guilty or confused when you get angry? Do you look for reasons that justify your anger? Anger is not the problem. And guess what, neither are you. You heard right. Anger is not the problem. The problem is not being able to identify what it is that makes you angry so you can do something about it. Read on to discover how you can get the heart of anger so you can use your anger to help create the life you really want.

~~ "What makes me so angry?" ~~

We usually become angry because two things are happening. First, we believe that someone or something is preventing us from getting what we want. Second, we believe that something either should or should not be happening the way it is. This thinking focuses our attention entirely on limitation and fear.

Think about it, if all of your attention is focused on not getting what you want, and what should or shouldn't happen, how would you expect to feel? Is it any wonder this kind of thinking results in stress, tension, and confusion? How else would you feel but angry?

When you learn that all anger comes from focusing your attention on these things, then your anger can become a warning bell that you need to re-focus your attention. So that's the upside of anger: it's always a reminder to focus your attention on creating the life you want.

Here's an example: Pat was waiting for Leslie at their favorite restaurant. They agreed to meet at 7:15. After waiting for 20 minutes, Pat began to feel a little angry. "Leslie knows I hate waiting. We had an agreement. How selfish ... Not even a phone call to explain ... I'm only waiting another five minutes and then I'm leaving ..." Pat thought. And the more Pat had these thoughts, the angrier Pat felt.

Let's explore these thoughts that made Pat so angry. It sounds like Pat believes that Leslie should not be late if they had an agreement, that the evening would be ruined by Leslie's late arrival, and that if people really cared about each other they would call and explain the sudden change in plans.

When you focus your attention on limitations and fear as Pat did, anger is an understandable response.

~~ "Then what do you suggest I focus my attention on?" ~~

We believe that lying beneath people's anger are things they value that are missing in the situation. The most effective way we've found to move from feeling angry to creating a satisfying life is to start by figuring out what's at the heart of anger - what we value. In this situation one thing Pat may highly value is peacefulness. So what prevents Pat from being peaceful in this situation? It may be that Pat needs more predictability in order to have a sense of peacefulness.

Once you know what you need, you're able to take action to get those needs met. As one example, Pat may want to make an agreement with Leslie to call if either of them will be late.

~~ "So, how can I use this in my life?" ~~

The most effective "anger management" starts with understanding that anger is not the problem. Next you can begin to notice the very first moment when you start to feel tense or irritated. This is the best time to use your anger as an alarm bell, warning you to shift your focus of attention. Then you single out any should/shouldn't, judgment type statements you hear yourself thinking.

Once you have a statement to work with, you get to the heart of anger by exploring each of these statements. You discover the hidden values within it, like how Pat values peacefulness. When you identify what you value, you ask yourself the question: "What do I need in order to experience what I value right now in this situation?" Like Pat's need for predictability. Then think of some ways you might be able to get that need met and start to experience what you value. The same way Pat and Leslie agreed to call if they will be late.

Don't look back in anger at what's just happened; look ahead to see how you can get what you need so you will start experiencing what you value. When you focus your attention on what you value, what you need, and how you're going to get those needs met, anger can be transformed into an opportunity to create a truly enjoyable life where you experience what you truly value.

About the author :

The life you choose begins here: Get your FREE 5-part email eCourse and discover personal growth skills for effective anger management.

We are Beth Banning and Neill Gibson, founders of Focused Attention. Find out why over 80% of our clients agree: These courses are extremely effective for building your self esteem and self confidence. http://www.focusedattention.com

Addiction - Learning To Live Again

2007-04-13T03:42:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I walked away from alcohol and cigarettes, after engaging in both practices for more than 15 years. Was I addicted to drinking and smoking? I would have to say that I was, seeing as how I did both things everyday. I would have to say that, on average, for the last ten of the fifteen total years I drank a twelve pack of beer and smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. I was obviously addicted to both practices because now that I'm done with them I feel as if I were walking around in a haze for those 10 years. It's a strange feeling, to be sure, and in many ways I feel as if I must learn to live again.

So what happened to make me change my life? Did the courts make me? Did a wife or lover make me? Did a parent make me? Did I hit "rock bottom" in some way? Nope, none of these things happened. The thing that happened was my daughter coming into this world. She is my only child, and I simply couldn't see being a bad example for her. That's it. I couldn't see myself telling her not to smoke, while I choked down a cigarette. And I couldn't see telling her the dangers of drinking, when Dad went out and had drinks with his buddies. I simply didn't want to be a bad example, so I stopped doing both things. Besides, I really was tired of both practices. I mean neither one had gotten me anywhere that could be considered "good".

Now I'm clean and sober, loving every minute of it, and learning to live again. It's funny, because when I walked away from drinking and smoking I no longer wanted to hang out with people who are doing those things. I can tolerate it for an hour or so, but then I just want to be away from it. This was an interesting transition for me, because I didn't know what to do if I wasn't drinking or taking a cigarette break every hour or so. It's amazing how you can get caught up in something to such a degree, that it seems "normal". Having a drink after work or hanging out with people and drinking had become normal to me. Almost as if it were a hobby, albeit a very self destructive hobby.

The bottom line is that learning to live again can be a bit of a challenge, especially in the beginning, because the drinking and smoking can really become things that feel so normal. This is probably the reason individuals attend groups to help them with this transition, a path which I chose not to take. In all seriousness, learning to live again is a fun and challenging process and I wouldn't trade it for a twelve pack and a pack of lung darts if you offered me all the money in the world. I think George Bernard Shaw said it best when he said, "Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles."

About the author :

Trevor Kugler is co-founder of JRWfishing.com and an avid angler. He has more than 20 years experience fishing for all types of fish, and 15 years of business and internet experience. He currently raises his three year old daughter in the heart of trout fishing country.....Montana!

Attention Deficit Disorder

2007-04-13T03:40:00.000-07:00

Attention Deficit Disorder is a complex condition that is not well understood at the present time by many clinicians and the general public. New information is being discovered rapidly however. Dr. Amen is one of the pioneers in this field and this article is meant to summarize his work. Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity (ADHD) occur as a result of neurological dysfunction in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This is the newest part of our tri-brain system in evolutionary terms. It is the part of our brain that performs executive functions. The functions of this brain deal with 1) attention span, 2) perseverance, 3) judgment, 4) organization, 5) impulse control, 6) self-monitoring and supervision, 7) problem solving, 8) critical thinking, 9) forward thinking, 10) learning from experience, 11) ability to feel and express emotions, 12) interaction with the limbic system, and 13) empathy.

Whenever there is a problem with this part of the brain, a number of skills that many human beings take for granted would not be available in any optimal way. The following are problems that develop when the prefrontal cortex is affected. 1) Short attention span, 2) distractibility, 3) lack of perseverance, 4) impulse control problems, 5) hyperactivity, 6) chronic lateness and poor time management, 7) disorganization, 8) procrastination, 9) unavailability of emotions, 10) misperceptions, 11) poor judgment, 12) trouble learning from experience, 13) short-term memory loss, and 14) social and test anxiety.

The exact neurological problem with ADD is unknown at this time. However SPECT scans, single photon emission computed tomography, which measures cerebral blood flow and metabolic activity patterns, has noted that when someone with ADD concentrates, their prefrontal lobe activity decreases significantly. This essentially means that under stress and concentration someone with these disorders cannot bring to bear their full cognitive capacity.

It is theorized that our usual ability to screen out and attend to stimuli of our choice is impaired with these individuals. I like to think of it as going to the mall during the summer. It is too bright and there are too many people around, but it is not overwhelming. However, at Christmas time after a couple of hours at the mall people are so over-stimulated that it is hard to find the car. People with ADD feel this way almost all the time.

There are five recommended courses of treatment for someone with ADD or ADHD. Physicians often give an antidepressant such as Wellbutrin and Strattera, which tends to calm the limbic system and increase dopamine, a neurotransmitter. In my experience as a therapist, this can be helpful but stimulants, the second course, seem to do a better job. Stimulants given in small doses, so the mood alteration is minimal, act in a paradoxical manner. This means that instead of accelerating a person they help to focus and calm them while still allowing the prefrontal lobe to remain active. They also seem to increase dopamine. This neurotransmitter is negatively affected with people suffering from ADD. The third regimen, a combination of an anti-depressant and a stimulant, seems to work best for most people suffering from most forms of ADD. The fourth treatment consists of teaching relaxation, stress-management, organizational, and socializing skills. This should always be included as part of treatment whether or not medication is used. Another form of treatment is the naturopathic approach. Due to my background I cannot adequately discuss this method, and as yet am not sufficiently familiar with the treatment to be able to measure its efficacy. At the present time, supplements, vitamins and chiropractic care seem to be effective as an adjunct to stimulants.

There are numerous misconceptions about Attention Deficit Disorder and a lot of emotional fervor about the diagnosis. It reminds me of the debate over Prozac several years ago or whether or not Alcoholism is a disease or a moral defect. It is understandable that people worry about giving young children a mood-altering drug. However, any time medication is considered as an approach, the physician needs to carefully assess both the costs the benefits and the severity of the problem. Most medication difficulties with ADD result from mismanagement. When the appropriate amount of medication is used with ADD the benefits are immense and the cost is minimal. A person's life changes dramatically for the better. It is as if for the first time a person can think clearly and their self-esteem soars.

There is still a tendency in this country to feel that people need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps regardless of the severity of the problem. They are often blamed for their own illness. This happens a lot with ADD.

True ADHD with hyperactivity is rather easy to diagnose. However, only in the last ten years was ADD inattentive type recognized. This diagnosis is hard to spot and often is characterized by a general spacyness and inability to track conversations. It also used to be common knowledge that children were the only ones to suffer from this disorder and that once they became 14 they grew out of it. What is more common is that in the normal course of experimentation with drugs and alcohol a person with this disorder finds amphetamines and becomes addicted to them. Almost the right drug, wrong dose! Most people do not grow out of the disease. Interestingly enough, even with hard-core Methadrine addicts, if they are put on a small dose of Adderall, 20- 30 mg. of sustained release 1-2 times a day, they thrive and it does not reactivate the addictive process.

Dr. Daniel G. Amen is one of the acknowledged leaders in the field for the study of Attention Deficit Disorder. He has expanded the classifications of this condition within the last two years from the standard two types of Hyperactive and Inattentive by adding four more distinct types of ADD. He has done this by exhaustive research and has been aided by the SPECT scan, which is a sophisticated brain scanning tool that measures and clearly shows what part of the brain is most active. What is most impressive about his work is that he stresses the need for a multi-treatment approach. This includes attention to diet, exercise, vitamins, supplements, traditional psychotropic drugs, and behavioral techniques.

In "Healing ADD" Dr. Amen lists the six types of ADD as 1) Classic hyperactive, 2) Inattentive, 3) Over focused, 4) Temporal, 5) Limbic, and 6) Ring of Fire. Each of these types has much in common, but also differences in symptoms and treatment.

All of the types of ADD have as their primary feature periodic impairment of the prefrontal cortex of the brain and dopamine involvement. Classic ADD is characterized by both hyperactivity and inattentiveness. It is usually quite easy to treat by a combination of a high protein diet, aerobic exercise, a stimulant such as Adderall or Ritalin, and possibly the supplement of L-Tyrosine. Often an anti-depressant is used as well.

Inattentive ADD lacks the hyperactivity, but people who suffer from it have a difficult time focusing and are often very scattered. As with the classic type the prefrontal cortex is involved. The treatment for inattentive ADD is usually exactly the same as the classic type.

Overfocused ADD exhibits the same problems and symptoms of prefrontal cortex as with classic and inattentive ADD, but the difference is that the sufferer of over focused often cannot break away from a thought or behavior. This is because the cingulate system of the brain is overactive and often locks a person into self-destructive, negative, or repetitive behavior. Often a stimulant will cause temper problems if used alone. Therefore, it is usually helpful to have the person take an anti-depressant first and only later to add the stimulant. Another possible treatment is to use St. Johns Wort, a natural herbal anti-depressant, but it is important not to use both a traditional and an herbal anti-depressant at the same time. The other forms of treatment such as diet and exercise is the same as the first two types of ADD.

Temporal ADD is still characterized by problems with the prefrontal cortex, but the temporal area of the brain is often affected. This could be from a previous head injury, but not necessarily. All the symptoms remain the same, but often extreme bouts of anger are also included. The treatment for this type is usually a stimulant and an anti-convulsant such as Depecote. All other treatment is the same except the following supplements can be used: GABA, Ginkgo Biloba, or Vitamin E.

Limbic ADD is when the limbic area of the brain is also affected in addition to the prefrontal cortex. This type of ADD has the symptoms of inattentive ADD, but a significant amount of depression is also present. A stimulant and an anti-depressant are indicated. Aerobic exercise is needed, but often a complex carbohydrate and protein mixed diet is indicated. The following supplements are used: SAMe or L-tyrosine.

Ring of Fire ADD is a very disorganized and severe form of ADD that is a combination of all the other types. The entire brain is lit up on a SPECT scan. In addition to the standard treatment of a stimulant and an anti-depressant, an anti-psychotic like Respiridal is often called for. Dietary and exercise treatment is the same as in inattentive type. The following supplements are possibly needed: GABA or Omega-3. Other supplements that have been found helpful with ADD in general are Zinc, Flax seed oil, and Serephos.

Attention Deficit Disorder is a neurological dysfunction that has no known cure at the present time. However, the good news is that effective treatment is available and following the protocol can improve how a person feels and functions more dramatically than many psychiatric conditions. What I find so attractive about the work of Dr. Amen is that he treats the whole person. He stresses the need for appropriate psychotropic medication, but also believes that a clinician needs to pay attention to diet, exercise, and behavioral strategies to fully address ADD.

© 2003 Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT www.asktheinternettherapist.com www.hypnosistapes4health.com

About the author :

JEF GAZLEY, M.S., LMFT, DCC has practiced psychotherapy for over thirty years and is the owner operator of www.asktheinternettherapist.com since 1998 and www.hypnosistapes4health.com. He is the author of eight mental health educational videos and DVDs and is currently writing a book on distance counseling. Jef is State Licensed in General Counseling, Marriage/Family, and Substance Abuse in Arizona and is a certified hypnotherapist.

What is ADHD?

2007-04-13T03:35:00.000-07:00

In essence, people can naturally detoxify toxic substances without support. Yet, with the growing amount of toxins that are being ingested into the body through water consumption, environment, and the food that people eat, can build up.

Although primarily on acute exposure, an interesting chapter by W. Stopford, tells of a young man who was treated by daily 20-minute saunas for three years and recovered from a nearly fatal acute Hg poisoning.

So here is our easy-to-make recipe for green tea, but this one tastes so good you¡¯ll never guess how good it is for you! A great, healthy thirst- quencher for hot summer days. Technology. We live in a grand time of technological development. Computers, the Internet, cell phones, digital cameras and DVDs. But the human body has not 'kept up' with technology.

Movies are after all for entertainment purposes only, and there is nothing remotely entertaining about the reality of alcohol abuse and drug addiction. Addiction can be hell on earth and life in an Alcohol rehab and Drug Rehab can be a nightmare.

What is ADHD?

It seems that the "What is ADHD" question is not very easy to answer, despite the plethora of studies, research and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity testing over the past decades. In asking the question, "What is ADHD," it is easier to answer by describing what ADHD is not. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder testing and research has not proven that ADHD is a medical condition. There is no concrete research that supports that Attention Deficit and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a genuine disorder or a disease.

What we do know is that Attention Deficit Disorder and ADHD is becoming a modern day American plague. It is the fastest growing diagnosis given to children and teens, often based on subjective Attention Deficit Disorder Hyperactivity testing of parent ratings and doctor observations.

Doctors use a standard checklist of characteristics when Attention Deficit Hyperactivity testing to make a diagnosis and prescribe a standard course of stimulant drug therapy in the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity. ADHD symptoms commonly include aggressive behavior, constant activity, easy distractibility, impulsiveness and/or the inability to concentrate. These ADHD symptoms may include fidgeting or constant movement, excessive talking and difficulty participating in "quiet" activities like reading.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder children always seem to be in motion. They dash around, wiggle, squirm, fidget and talk nonstop. They are whirlwinds that leave messes, throw tantrums, start fights and act obstinate. It's hard to miss ADHD in children but if the parent happens to miss the signs, the child's teacher certainly will make a point of clearly pointing it out to the parent.

The most prevalent, and most controversial, treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is drug therapy. The top drugs of choice being Ritalin, Adderall, Dexedrine and Concerta. Now here's the scary part; These commonly prescribed drugs in the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder fall in the same drug category (Schedule II) as cocaine, methadone and opium.

Only a decade ago, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder testing and treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder was virtually unheard of. The 1987 edition of the Webster's Dictionary, touting 50,000 entries and modern definitions, does not even include the word "Hyperactive" or "Hyperactivity." The American Psychiatric Association did not name Attention Deficit as a disorder until 1990.

Young boys, by nature have higher levels of energy than their female counterparts. Boys are diagnoses at a rate three times higher than girls.

When did active, high-spirited, strong-willed and oft times uncooperative kids move from kids being kids to children having a mental disorder? If using ADHD medication sales as a marker, this shift began right about the time the American Psychiatric Association named this set of characteristics as a disorder. Since 1990, prescriptions for ADHD medications quintupled.

As Attention Deficit Hyperactivity testing and treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder reach all-time highs and continue to climb in this country, other countries around the world seem relatively unaffected by this "disorder." This is America's plague.

This country uses 500% more Ritalin than all the rest of the world combined. Cancer rates and cardiovascular disease in the United States alone are among the highest in the world as a result of technology interfering with our food supply and living environments.

Do I believe in detox? Well, most of it is plain simple commonsense - proper diet, judicious supplementation, adequate rest, exercise, stress- relieving techniques.

It is also important to understand that detoxification do not work in isolation. It requires careful understanding of the different substances that will help the body recuperate and fight back diseases.

Metal toxicity can cause health issues that range from headaches and aching bones to memory loss and discoloration of the skin and nails.

On the other hand, drug dependence often begins with the misuse of legal drugs like prescription drugs and inhalants. Inhalants are legal substances that becomes illegal when use in a manner that causes a person to get high. It is rare to find an Asian child undergoing Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder testing, much less receiving treatment. European children are diagnosed at a rate of about 10 percent of their American counterparts.

Either the United States has some pretty hyped up kids or American doctors are over-diagnosing Attention Deficit and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

Some people argue that Attention Deficit and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder are not disorders at all, but simply personality types. Some people can sit still, pay attention, concentrate on specific tasks and exhibit proficient social skills. Others get fidgety, jump from project to project or just do not fit in the societal "norm." The argument is that ADHD people are not "sick" and in need of dangerous drug therapy but simply have a different way of dealing with the conventional world.

Sure these high-energy and on-the-go kids can be incredibly irritating to teachers, energy draining to parents and general all-around hassles in the grocery store but they are also unique, creative, expressive and full of life. And boy, are they full of life!

Maybe we, as a society, should encourage some of these freethinking traits instead of expecting these children to sit quietly.

After all, had Albert Einstein, Lugwig Van Beethoven, Frank Lloyd Wright, Pablo Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison and Henry David Thoreau grown up in today's society, they likely would have been slapped with the Attention Deficit label and placed on medications to make them conform to societal standards. Should we stifle the natural enthusiasm and fervor of hyperactive people with drug medications? Would we have the genius of these incredibly unique minds if stifled by altering drugs?

You have to wonder...

In the conventional treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, the goal is short-term, as are the effects. The goal is to make the child more compliant (usually so they can sit quietly in school) and ADHD medications do work effectively for the majority of children.

However, the price paid for compliant children can be detrimental to the child's mental and physical well being is high. You want your child to be able to focus, sustain attention and behave calmly and appropriately on his own instead of relying on a pharmaceutical drug to do that for him. We do not want a generation of children to grow up automatically thinking that drugs are the answer.

Treatment should address the root of the problem instead of temporarily masking the symptoms and it should produce lasting changes instead of "fixing" the problem for a couple hours. A large body of research indicates that environmental factors - nutritionally deficient diets, lead poisoning, food allergies and such - cause ADHD symptoms.

By ruling out environmental toxins, food allergies and other possibly causes and by increasing the body's strength and wellness through sound diet and nutritional supplementation, Attention Deficit problems can be gently and effectively addressed without the use of dangerous medications.

We also believe that ADHD should stand for "Absolutely Delightful, Hardy and Daring" young children that will one day grow into fine adults if raised in an accepting, loving and stable environment.

So what is ADHD? Nothing to be feared, nothing to dreaded, nothing other than a label placed on the societal wild children that need a little extra love and a whole lot of patience.

There are a variety of ways that drug and alcohol rehab work to help a person stop abusing a controlled substance. One way is commonly referred to as ¡®cold turkey¡¯.

When we found this tasty recipe for a warming, detoxifying ginger- turmeric tea, we were thrilled: after the holiday season, we figured we could use some detoxing and healing!

The abundance of possible problems coupled with the severity of heavy metal toxicity has led to the creation of Heavy Metal Detox. Research has shown that addiction is treatable. Drug Detox today and pass your drug test!

Of course certain herbs and supplements may help someone with intestinal problems like dyspepsia, indigestion, wind and irritable bowel syndrome. More on drug detox at ttp://www.detoxs.info

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By Erin Smith How can you pass your drug test? Find out at http://www.detoxs.info